Offer playboy brother your wise counsel

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This article was published 29/01/2024 (931 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing about my brother who is 17 and in Grade 12. He is the only boy in our family and is spoiled rotten. My mother has always showered him with love and affection, so he thinks he’s God’s gift to women.

He started dating in Grade 7, with steady girlfriends starting in Grade 9. Imagine loverboy’s shock when his latest girlfriend dumped him at Christmas for an older guy in university.

I knew he was hurting, but now it looks like he has retaliated. He had a date last weekend and didn’t come home to sleep Saturday. My mom started calling him in the middle of the night and didn’t let up until he finally answered at 8 a.m. He said he’d gotten drunk and was sleeping overnight at the apartment of his recent ex’s older sister. Oh boy.

She’s a sexy one and known for being the family rebel.

When I asked him later if he had sex with the older sister, he just said, “What do you think?” Whoa. What is my role in this? My mom wants me to find out everything that happened. Help.

— Caught in the Middle, East Kildonan

Dear Caught: Your brother may have only gone over to this older sister’s place to whine about the breakup and look for sympathy, or he might have been on a mission to get even.

Consider saying this: “I don’t know what you’re doing, but it appears you could be getting into a lot of trouble. Could you and I talk about it?” Later, you can have a bigger talk with him about whether or not he had sex with his ex’s older sister and ask why.

Aside from a nasty payback drama going on, unprotected sex is a possible worry here. Young guys like your brother need as much information as they can get on protection, and you can help with that. Parents are sometimes too embarrassed to provide detailed info, but they’re OK with providing the goods, such as quality condoms.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found something hidden between our box spring and mattress when my wife was away visiting her sister.

I never make the bed, but I decided to do that for her before she got home. I lifted the mattress up to tuck the sheet under and saw a letter. It was open, with no return address, so I decided to see who it was from. It was a love letter from a man.

I didn’t know how old it was because the date was so faint.

I demanded an answer the minute my wife got home. She said it was a letter from a former lover who died before I met her. What? She prefers re-reading a letter from a dead man to talking to me? She said defiantly, “You’re not very loving, so sometimes I read his letter to warm up my life.”

It’s true I’m not very demonstrative, but I’m a great provider. She wants for nothing and only has to work part time, really just to give her something to do. I told her that, but she didn’t respond.

Now what? Start sending her flowers? I’m not a flowery guy. Please help. Make no mistake, I do love my wife. The situation is just weird to me.

— Second Fiddle to Dead Guy? North End

Dear Second Fiddle: It’s not about your own style and wishes when you give a gift to someone; it’s about knowing and responding lovingly to those of the recipient. The gift is all about them and what they would enjoy receiving.

This old lover of your wife’s is not in the picture anymore, but his tender words uplift her and make her feel good about herself as a woman — loved and admired.

Providing for her is important, but it doesn’t fit the bill romantically. Since you can’t express yourself verbally when it comes to love and romance, cards and flowers are the answer, so be sure to buy ones with words that will really warm her heart.

While you’re buying these tokens of your affection, silently thank the deceased fellow who brought this to your attention.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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