Take heart; love is much more than skin-deep

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/07/2024 (770 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I paid good money for a machine on the internet to lighten the skin tone of my face. After using the lightener for a month, I asked my husband if he thought it has made a difference, and he said, “Well, your pockets look a bit lighter, haha.”

I held myself back from commenting about the hair disappearing from the top of his head. Why doesn’t he realize I’m doing all this for him?

— Not a Joke At All, Westwood

Dear Not a Joke: Your mate doesn’t care if your skin is a shade lighter or darker. He’s in love with you, the person within the skin. For most couples who care deeply, being affectionate and good-humoured and fun to be around — plus smelling good and dressing well — is enough when it comes to attractiveness.

It’s too bad you can’t see yourself through your man’s eyes. Consider asking him to tell you what he likes about your personality and your looks, and you do the same for him. It can be a fun project and lead to some loving and arousing feelings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Some new neighbours just bought a cabin right beside us. I was excited and ran across the path to welcome them. But only the husband was home. He was cool and brief, and left long spaces in the conversation. I went home feeling awkward, like I had disturbed his privacy.

Then this afternoon, his woman showed up at our cabin and apologized for her husband’s rudeness and left me an apple pie. I barely had time to thank her and she ran off through the bushes.

I see their family name now at the base of the road up to our places. How much friendliness should we show to these people? I have her pie plate, but I’m nervous to take it back.

— Too Shy to Try Again, Whiteshell

Dear Shy to Try: It’s your husband’s turn. Write a note saying thanks from the two of you. Then put the pie plate in a bag and have him drop it off. He might have more luck breaking the ice with this couple, and if he doesn’t, he probably won’t care.

If the woman next door makes further overtures, be friendly with her and then you can ask her why her husband was so cool with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our family lives in Winnipeg, and we’ve got lake trouble. I generally go up to our spot with our three children for the first four days and my husband joins us for the last 10.

Yesterday he told me his sister “Big Mouth” also wants to stay with us for the 10 days. No. I don’t want her to spoil our holiday. She just announced it to him as if we’d be thrilled.

How do we tell the big freeloader to stay home? My husband is not brave enough to tell her. Should I do it?

— Don’t Want Pushy Sister, Selkirk

Dear Don’t Want Pushy Sis: You don’t care if she ends up mad at you, but your poor husband — a blood relation — has a deeper connection. He loves his sister, so you must be the “villain” here.

Call her and say, “Sorry, but you can’t bunk with our family during our holiday — there aren’t enough beds and bedrooms.” If she says she’ll sleep on the couch or bring a sleeping bag, just say nicely, “Sorry, it’s not happening this year.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: One of my work friends dropped religious pamphlets about his church in my mailbox. I don’t want his literature or his preaching, even if I am depressed these days and missing work. I was thinking of dropping the unwanted “gifts” right back in his mailbox, but is that the chicken’s way out?

— Considering the Drop, East Kildonan

Dear Considering: If you drop the pamphlets back in his mailbox, then we have two chickens “communicating” with one another. Instead, pick up the phone and tell your buddy you appreciate he’s worried about you, but you don’t appreciate him dropping off literature, especially when he’s not even dropping in.

Tell him you’d be glad to spend some real time with him — and be clear that means playing a casual sport together or seeing a movie, not accompanying him to church.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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