Caring bond can endure faded marriage’s end

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is the child of a violent marriage and she witnessed some terrible scenes. I promised her I would never roar at her or hurt her in any way. After many months she agreed to take a chance with me, and we got married.

Read this article for free:

or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/07/2025 (381 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is the child of a violent marriage and she witnessed some terrible scenes. I promised her I would never roar at her or hurt her in any way. After many months she agreed to take a chance with me, and we got married.

Things were pretty good at first. She liked kissing and caressing, but she was never fond of intercourse, as it seemed “a bit violent” to her, but she put up with it for me.

I adored her and for years treated her like the gentle flower she is. When we had problems, she would write me a note saying, “We need to talk, but lovingly.” She was still terrified of having a violent incident with a man.

Sadly, I had to seek exciting sex elsewhere. I’m sure she has found out I have a secret sex life when I’m out of town for business. Recently, she has totally withdrawn from me. Shame on me, but I have needs.

Then this week I came home from a trip and she had converted her sewing room into a very feminine bedroom with a pink canopied bed. She said it was going to be her private bedroom for having company over.

She’s not kidding. She now has a new female friend. I suspect it’s probably a crush, but not much more. I do still love my wife, but more as a friend and someone I want to protect.

But now what? I’m at the end of my energy for this non-marriage, but still want to look after her.

Money is not an issue on my side, as I do quite well. She has a boring but steady job. Please advise — we’re at a crossroads.

— Lonely Husband, Birds Hill

Dear Lonely Husband: You need to be liberated from this marriage, but you also need to know you haven’t abandoned this wounded woman you still care about deeply.

If she has found a trustworthy intimate partner in this new female friend, or another one down the road, it could be good for everybody. It will certainly ease your guilt and any sadness in her about you having to move on.

See a lawyer and look at some financial scenarios that might work. You might find yourself wanting to embrace some kind of financial protection of your future ex-wife, and maintain a lifelong friendship.

However, she might surprise you and just move on and want to support herself.

Working is not a problem for her, but she does need psychological support, and you could offer to help her get the best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was nervous about being asked to my new man’s three-generational family picnic so I ended up scarfing down all the delicious foods his family made. Then I threw it right back up beside me at the end of the picnic table.

I asked my new guy to take me home right away. Once there, I called my best friend — a nurse — and she asked if anybody else threw up at the picnic and if they were eating the same things I did. I phoned my boyfriend and he checked, but nobody but me tossed their cookies.

I just couldn’t hold down the many salads, corn on the cob, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, chocolate cake and ice cream because I was so nervous about impressing the group. It was my first time meeting my new guy’s family.

Now I’m feeling too embarrassed to see them again, and he is a family-oriented guy. Should I call his mother and apologize?

— So Embarrassed, Whyte Ridge

Dear Embarrassed: It’s not necessary to phone your new guy’s mother and possibly get into an awkward discussion over what food may have turned your stomach. But next time you see her and there’s eating involved, smile and quietly assure her you’re feeling steadier and calmer, and will be eating slower pace.

That way it just sounds like you ate a little too enthusiastically at the last party, and there was no one to blame but yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Hydro scrambling to restore power to remaining 4,500 customers after storm; some outages will continue into Saturday

Chris Kitching 5 minute read Preview

Hydro scrambling to restore power to remaining 4,500 customers after storm; some outages will continue into Saturday

Chris Kitching 5 minute read Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Power outages could stretch into a third day for some Manitobans — mainly in and around Winnipeg — while crews continued to repair widespread damage caused by powerful thunderstorms.

About 4,500 Manitoba Hydro customers were still without electricity at 2:30 p.m. Friday, after more than 30,000 lost power while powerful winds brought down trees and power lines Wednesday night and early Thursday.

The Crown corporation said it is aiming to have all outages with greater numbers of customers restored by Friday night, but some customers may remain without power into Saturday.

“The challenge is just the sheer scale of this thing — hundreds of different outages spread across a large part of the city,” Hydro spokesman Peter Chura said. “Just getting to all of them in a timely fashion is very difficult.”

Read
Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Kreviazuk, in her own voice

Eva Wasney 7 minute read Preview

Kreviazuk, in her own voice

Eva Wasney 7 minute read Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Chantal Kreviazuk is in the midst of a very busy year.

In May, the Winnipeg-born singer-songwriter released her 11th studio album, In My Own Voice — a project that reclaims and reimagines a selection of hit songs she’s written for some of the world’s biggest artists.

The 12-track album features Kreviazuk performing ethereal covers of Pitbull’s Feel This Moment, Drake’s Over My Dead Body and Gwen Stefani’s Rich Girl, among others.

But she didn’t stop there.

Read
Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Culture minister’s pledge sends officials on hunt for money to fix Islamic centre after apparent hate crime

Carol Sanders 5 minute read Preview

Culture minister’s pledge sends officials on hunt for money to fix Islamic centre after apparent hate crime

Carol Sanders 5 minute read Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Government officials were left scrambling Friday to explain why the province is paying for repairs at a mosque recently targeted in a potential hate crime after a $1 million security enhancement fund was fully allocated in June.

Read
Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Giant Tiger decision creates giant void for desperate population

Niigaan Sinclair 5 minute read Preview

Giant Tiger decision creates giant void for desperate population

Niigaan Sinclair 5 minute read Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

A lot of Winnipeggers may shrug, but the end of Giant Tiger’s downtown store is a giant problem for many of the people living in the centre of the city.

It would have been difficult for anyone going into or passing by the Canadian discount chain’s Donald Street and Ellice Avenue location Thursday to miss the red notices posted on the store’s windows advising it will close on Nov. 7.

According to a 2024 Downtown Winnipeg BIZ report, about 18,000 people live in Winnipeg’s downtown.

More than 60,000 people work there, and some days — when there’s a big concert or the Jets play at Canada Life Centre, for example — the number of people spending time in the area increases significantly.

Read
Friday, Jul. 31, 2026

Brandon laying groundwork for Arabian championship

Connor McDowell 3 minute read Preview

Brandon laying groundwork for Arabian championship

Connor McDowell 3 minute read Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

BRANDON — It’s time to dish the dirt on what’s about to happen at Brandon’s Keystone Centre.

Hundreds of horses and hundreds more spectators are about to descend on the site for Canada’s National Arabian Championship Aug. 6 to 15, and before that happens, the staging surface has to be perfect.

“We have been working on this day in and day out,” said Devin Epp, sales manager in the Ag Centre at the Keystone Centre.

Since July 24, staff have been working on a 24-hour schedule to build the competition floor. Dirt was hauled into the arena and has since been worked into place with tractors and hand-pushed equipment.

Read
Yesterday at 2:01 AM CDT

As wildfire season rages, new book explores the frontlines of battling Canadian blazes

Reviewed by GC Cabana-Coldwell 4 minute read Preview

As wildfire season rages, new book explores the frontlines of battling Canadian blazes

Reviewed by GC Cabana-Coldwell 4 minute read Yesterday at 2:02 AM CDT

Mother Nature’s talking but we haven’t been listening, according to Jesse Winter, author of Wild Fire: Dispatches from a Country Ablaze, a book, released earlier this summer detailing Canada’s wildfire woes.

Currently, almost 1,000 wildfires across Northwestern Ontario, British Columbia, the Prairies, Northwest Territories and eastern provinces are burning in Canada. Forest fires also continue to wreak havoc in France, Spain and other European countries, and in the U.S. states of Oregon, California, Florida and Texas. While 2023 still rates as the world’s worst wildfire season, 2026 is hot on its heels.

Winter, a Vancouver-based, award-winning climate disaster photojournalist, spent more than two years on Wild Fire, his first book. In-depth research included working with firefighting crews and environmentalists as well as talking to researchers, politicians and evacuees. He says we need to rethink our views on wildfires or be prepared to watch more land go up in flames.

Canada, Winter writes, is “a country almost perfectly designed to burn.” At least 70 per cent of boreal forests, which cover one-third of the country, are stuffed with highly flammable spruce, fir, pine and tamarack trees as well as aspen, poplar and birch. With a wealth of available fuel, it’s no surprise, he writes, that an area twice the size of Vancouver Island burns every summer in Canada.

Read
Yesterday at 2:02 AM CDT