Future life need not be either/or proposition

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran away from my true love when I was 17 because I wanted to establish a career before really committing to someone. He was heartbroken and didn’t wait for me. He wanted to get married and have a family as a young and active man.

So, soon after I left, he married another girl from my hometown.

I ran into him and his wife and their two kids at an event in Winnipeg recently. They stopped to say hello to me and then walked off together with their little crew all holding hands.

I went home alone, feeling depressed. I heard a voice in my head saying, “Got what you asked for, didn’t you?” They looked so happy together. That could have been me instead of her.

This week I felt myself falling into a depression. I want what they have, but all the city guys I know are career-chasers like me. They all want to marry and have children “someday.”

I’m almost 32 now and I’m freaking out. My time is running out, and I have nothing except my career. What should I do? Please help.

— Alone and Scared, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Alone and Scared: There’s nothing like a startling visit from fate. In the end it really isn’t a bad thing. Perhaps this old boyfriend and his wife and kids came along to remind you to stop and lay out some social and family goals for the future, along with succeeding in your career.

You really should stop comparing yourself to this more old-fashioned couple and their different way of living than yours. There are many ways to proceed in our world to realize your goals of both a family and a career.

Maybe you would like to be a single career mom with an adopted child and a great nanny. Or maybe you would like to devote more time to dating and meeting a love partner who would also like to have a baby — or adopt a young child.

The trick is to open yourself to all these possibilities and actually let people know what you’re thinking. Friends and family love to be invited to help matchmake, so you may soon start noticing people and opportunities coming your way. Not all of them will be great matches, but it only takes one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a female football fan and can’t get enough of the sport. I think I might have been a guy and a football star in another life.

One of my goals is to date a football player and get closer to the game and the participants, but so far I haven’t had much luck.

Please help me get into this world.

— Serious Fan, St. James.

Dear Serious Fan: The last thing serious athletes want is some fan chasing after them just because they are “famous” in the sports world. Then they feel pursued just for the thrill of being seen with them.

High-level athletes may also admit they are duds to date because they’re away so often to play or compete.

It’s time to expand your world to local guys who love football and want to go to all the games they can with you — here in Winnipeg and out of town, as well. That could be a lot of fun and result in a great relationship that lasts.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.