Sudden fade-out of relationship painful

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been seeing an exciting new woman for the past two months. I foolishly allowed myself to start falling in love with her, even though I’ve already known two serious heartbreaks.

But she was such a sweet, agreeable lady, I thought she could never be cruel.

I was seeing her every second night, with a night to sleep alone between dates, so we could be rested. That was my foolish idea.

Soon she started seeing less of me on a number of weak excuses. She’s hardly answering calls from me now, except to say to me, “Hello, I’m busy now. Talk to you later.”

But “later” doesn’t seem to come.

I thought we were going steady, but now it’s gone to nothing. I need real answers to “What happened?” and “Where do I stand?” I didn’t do anything wrong. I treated her like gold.

What can I do now? I feel like she’s still got me by the heartstrings.

— Hurting Badly, Winnipeg

Dear Hurting: There are a variety of cruel ways to break up, and the sudden fade-out with no explanation is one of the worst. The questions flying around unanswered in your head make the pain last a long time.

To get past this, you need to realize that underneath that lady’s niceness, she’s too cowardly for a serious relationship where you have to talk things out.

Or else, it could be she’s simply not that interested in continuing with you. Your mistake was putting too much stock in your initial sexual compatibility. Without other kinds of compatibility, sex is just a casual attachment to some people, no matter how good it is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father was a scientist, an inventor and a dreamer who actually brought his dreams to life.

One of his dreams was to find a wonderful wife — and he did. My mother came to Canada from another country with no education past high school, and just adored Dad.

She loved to cook and baked treats for him every afternoon. For his part, he showered her with love in so many different ways. He would say he didn’t know how he managed to wed such a beautiful wife, and used to tell me when I was growing up, “I adore your mother. Look at her. Isn’t she wonderful?”

These words made me want to find a peaceful, happy marriage like theirs, but I’m not like them. I was their only child, and I was happily spoiled and well-loved. Unfortunately, I’m not tall, dark and handsome — I’m short with dark hair and eyes, like my mother.

I’m now in my 30s and have a good career, so I’m really looking for a love like theirs, but I suspect the world doesn’t even make couples like my parents anymore. Did they break the mould after my folks? What am I supposed do?

Do you think maybe I need to find someone from a different culture? I know it worked for my parents.

— Lonely Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Guy: If it interests you, you could always find a way to work abroad for a period to immerse yourself in another culture.

Closer to home, another way to meet a lot of interesting people from many different backgrounds is to get involved as a volunteer with our city’s annual celebration of nations and culture, Folklorama. The two-week summer event features dozens of pavilions across the city celebrating global culture through live entertainment and cuisine.

The fest kicks off in early August, but there is much organizational work to do in the next few months. For more info, visit folklorama.ca. If you get involved, you’ll meet a crowd of friendly new people from many different cultures.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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