Talk it out, so stage life doesn’t rock marriage

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new husband is a musician who thinks he’s going to be famous — and he may be right. He’s loaded with talent.

I have no problem with this and I’m very proud of him. His band mostly performs at night in bars, so I know the big cheating risk from experience. You have to guard your lovers and marriage partners in this business — love them or lose them.

I often show up unannounced at gigs, so my guy has to be good. My husband is crazy about me and insists I have no worries, but we are about to start a family. I worry about pregnancy and the danger to married life, when non-pregnant young fans will be dancing and flirting in front of the stage.

How do you think we got together in the first place? How should I handle this?

— Nervous New Wife, Osborne Village

Dear Nervous: Lots of men and women are in the local music business — playing bars, shows and events, in and around Winnipeg.

The musicians whose marriages have stayed successful will tell you it’s not that difficult to dodge the attention of flirty fans if band members don’t hang around in the bar after their set is done.

The danger is much higher if musicians stick around and boozily shmooz with their fans.

Many bars and live venues have dedicated rooms for band members, and family-oriented musicians can stay more secluded there, between sets or afterwards — that is, unless single bandmates happen to be inviting fans back there, which can make it even more dangerous.

If your hubby is able to get a little solitude backstage, does he phone to message you, or is he conveniently “unavailable” all night at a show?

It’s a good thing to discuss with him, so take a deep breath and look him in the eyes when you do so.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Now that my youngest son is up and gone, I’ve unloaded my wife, too — hallelujah.

She was also quite happy to get all the money from the house we co-owned and finally be rid of me for good after our divorce.

What I did not foresee was my new girlfriend suddenly getting demanding in terms of marrying her right away.

I’m not ready to marry another demanding woman, and one I already know for sure may cheat — like she cheated with me before my marriage ended.

Ideally, I would like to take a big break from all women. Unfortunately, I’m a sensual man and find it way too lonely when I need physical release after a hard day at work and I have no woman around.

I used to travel a lot with a sales job, so I had the privacy to meet women in bars far away from home. Now it’s become scary to travel, and things aren’t as relaxed with people you meet outside of your own country. I need advice, ASAP.

— Lonely Salesman, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Salesman: Adventure travel within Canada’s borders is headed for an all-time high. Since you’re not feeling confident about chasing women internationally, finding new single women this spring in Manitoba or other parts of Canada, just makes sense.

Even if you’re shy, this is the time to join new sports or recreational clubs. Spring isn’t so far away and then golf courses and outdoor tennis will also options.

You could also think about renting a cottage for a few weekends this summer to meet new people in new places, so do some research and jump on the best ones right now.

You might also plan to take little trips to visit a number of old friends and family members on summer weekends.

Be open with those you trust about looking for a new sweetheart this year, and let those people matchmake for you if they want to. It could be a lot of fun for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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