Reach out after communication breakdown

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently heard the love of my life, who got sent off to her aunt’s place in B.C. after she got pregnant, came back to Winnipeg. She lost the pregnancy early on, but her parents wanted to keep us far apart, so she had to stay on with her aunt and uncle and wasn’t allowed phone calls from guys.

Now that she’s finally back in Winnipeg again, I got her new cell number and I called her right away. She said, “You never called me after I was sent away, and I waited for your call every day. How dare you call me now?”

I said, “I didn’t have your new number, and I was scared to call your family here, for it.” She said, “You could have gotten my new number from my sister or any one of my friends if you tried! They kept asking me if you’d called yet. They said it showed you didn’t really care.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was too chicken to stand up to her family. Don’t you think she should stop being cruel to me? What can I say to her?

— Still Love Her, Whyte Ridge

Dear Still Love Her: Buy a gentle and loving card and enclose a letter explaining yourself as honestly as you can. Explain to her how you feel and ask her to get in touch with you, providing her all the means possible.

She may need time to digest all this information, so don’t bombard her. Let her think on it, and if she tells you to stay away from her, then you’ll have to do that. But there’s a chance she will understand, so take that risk! Wait a while after the card, and then call her. I hope it works out for you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old love at The Forks last weekend. She was holding hands with another woman. I thought they were just being friends, but when I approached them to say hello, my ex put her arm protectively around her “girlfriend” and steered her away quickly. How insulting!

What was that all about anyway? I wouldn’t interfere with an ex’s new love, no matter what sex they were. It just came off as a big dose of insecurity to me, and it was insulting. It made me upset. What now?

— Her Ex-Boyfriend Forever, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Ex-Boyfriend: No matter what you say, you’re still going to come off sounding jealous to this ex-girlfriend, because you were replaced by a woman she preferred.

You can’t win in a conversation like this. She made her choice and you’re not it! Obviously, she’s not experienced enough to handle this situation maturely and smoothly. That will no doubt come with time, but you won’t be around to see it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m back from the lake at the end of my summer rental, and I just want to turn around and go back to the water! I had a wonderful time and was able to work so efficiently alone out there. I often finished up six hours of work in three hours, and the last hours were spent making phone calls to prospective customers, who were not too rushed to talk to me either. It netted me a lot more business!

My problem? I’m single, and without visitors it was quite lonely after work. So, how do I solve that problem next summer? I’m too busy working remotely to be entertaining guests on the weekdays, and too exhausted by Fridays to be shopping for groceries, cooking and getting ready to entertain weekend guests at my cabin. But I cannot do a lonely repeat of this summer. Please help!

— Need Company, Windsor Park

Dear Need Company: Never settle for half of what you want, when a little research could net you a great situation. This may be the wrong lake and cottage for you. You need a rental or even a cabin purchase at a more sociable lake, where maybe friends already own places.

If you start now by asking buddies to keep an eye out at their lakes for cabins for you, you could find a great spot for next summer, where you could work hard all week and still enjoy friends in other cabins around you. You don’t even have to cook for them — except for parties.

So jump in the car this fall and cruise appealing situations near friends’ cabins, to rent one for yourself for next season. If you nab one this fall, you’ll feel warm inside all winter thinking about it!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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