Career, domestic shake-up could bode well

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I gave a big “present” to my husband this summer and it backfired royally.

My gift? He was free to work overtime without family concerns for the whole summer, to give the big boost to his business, which he needed badly. My newly-retired parents were happy to keep us at their cottage for the summer, and have the grandkids close to them. My dad stood in as the active on-site father figure, and he loved it! This was a break I know my husband never thought he was going to get, after marrying me and having kids right away.

I thought his work dream these days was to go from a medium to a major competitor in his building field! Summer is the biggest money-making time for him, so I really wanted to support him in that.

But a major shock was waiting for me at summer’s end! My husband wants to go back to university, first part-time and later full-time. And he needs me to go back to my career! Another shock? He’s already spoken to my parents behind my back!

They’re happy to keep on looking after the kids, but I don’t want them to. That’s my job! I must admit my old profession pays a lot of money, but I thought I was free of that burden when I had the kids. What do you think? My world is turning upside down!

— Blindsided, St. Vital

Dear Blindsided: You don’t say how many years you stayed at home with the kids, but what your mate desires now education-wise is a huge deal to him. He clearly needs financial support do it, and some of that will come from you.

The biggest blessing for your kids is your parents’ willingness to help with them, freeing you up to work again while your man goes back to school. If you don’t want to return to your old profession, could you investigate an offshoot that might work better for you?

Yes, this may involve a bit of sacrifice, but in the long run, it could really benefit your whole family as well as the business.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy this summer who makes me laugh, and it means so much to me that we’re dating steadily. I came from a sober religious home. I never thought a person could laugh and enjoy things as much as we do together now.

The trouble is, he’s younger than I am by quite a bit — five years! I don’t care personally, but I’m worried he does. I want to marry a polite and sweet guy like him, and I feel he could be “the one.” I can’t believe I just admitted that, but it’s true! I can’t say that to him, or it might scare him away. What is your advice for me?

— Found a Real Winner, St. James

Dear Found a Winner: Keep this premature marriage talk under wraps! Don’t even tell your girlfriends, as it’s the kind of juicy gossip that could get back to this guy. In the meantime, investigate all aspects of his personality and what he wants out of a relationship.

Don’t be too obvious, but do suss him out. Try to get yourself invited over to meet his family, as you can learn a lot from them, especially from talkative brothers and sisters. Good luck on your quest!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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