Seeking revenge after his morning delights

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/01/2017 (3541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: An hour after my husband had left for work, this single neighbour of mine dropped in unannounced, looking for coffee and a chat. I said, “OK. I’m just waking up… but come in,” and we talked for about half an hour.

But something was off. Every second question she asked was about my husband’s whereabouts in the mornings, and then finally the time he leaves home, and other questions like that. I’m not awake to watch him drive away and don’t really know where he goes. I had suspected he went to Tims on the corner for coffee, which he’s addicted to, and then off to work.

When I asked him that night why she was here asking questions about him and his schedule, he got two red dots on his cheeks, which means he’s secretly embarrassed. Then it dawned on me — maybe he’d been seeing her in the mornings before leaving for work. I sleep like a log, and would not be looking out the windows.

I finally put two and two together! He could easily have parked his car down the street and snuck back to her. I’d never know, would I? I’m a smart woman once I start thinking. I guess he’s finished with her and their morning delights, and has stopped going over before work.

Do I care? Enough that I will get even! There’s an old boyfriend I will always love who is married to a woman who has early dementia, no longer recognizes him, and will never come home again. I will go visit him in a week or so! I think it’s better my husband knows I know, and is waiting for the axe to fall. Don’t you?

— The Wanderers, Garden City

Dear Wanderers: Frankly, this sounds like a sick game to me. If it works for you two, and the only people you’re hurting is yourselves, that’s one thing. But, start giving some thought to the feelings of the people you see on the side. Your neighbour is definitely NOT OK. In fact, she’s hurting so much she took a rude and unwise gamble coming over to question you. She’s terrified she’s past her “best before” date, and he’s moved on.

And how does your ex-flame with the sick wife feel, when you drop over once in a while to get even with your husband? Does it hurt him? Hopefully, he’s just relieved to have somebody to hold, once in awhile.

Since you and your husband cheat and to stay together, it’s time you declared your relationship officially open. You need to make some rules for the situation ASAP, with kindness underpinning them. Suggestion for Rule No. 1 “Don’t cheat in your own backyard.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have this girlfriend who will do everything except intercourse, and I mean everything. She says she’s saving “real sex” until I enter into her life fully committed. She defines that commitment as engagement to get married. The irony is I’m not sure I want to marry a woman who is willing to manipulate me like this. She is not a virgin. I am paying for another man’s sins — a guy she lived with for three years, and then he said bye-bye. Now she wants a husband and babies. I’m not sure I’m ready to be anyone’s husband, let alone hers. I’ve been been dating her for four months, and I’m 27. What do you think?

— Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet: At 27 in the year 2017, you’re at the beginning of the “commitment, marriage and babies stage.” On the other hand, she’s right in the middle of the biological clock ticking, and she wants to be able to have babies. She’d be better off with a guy who was also old enough to want marriage and little ones with the right woman.

Clearly you’re not in love with her and you’re starting to feel seriously annoyed. Don’t waste any more time for either of you. Time to look elsewhere. Find a girlfriend who’s in her fun-loving early to mid-20s, and you’ll be a better match. As for breaking up with this grown-up girlfriend, she’ll be freed up to find a husband and family.

As for her gate-keeping method of snagging a hubby, you might suggest to her it’s mean-spirited and teasing will not inspire love, nor will it act as an incentive to lifelong commitment.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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