Man feels Viking has plundered his wife

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This article was published 11/01/2017 (3553 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out something very hurtful about my wife. She has always been attracted to red-haired men with beards; she fancies they are of Viking descent, pirates of the high seas and all that crap. Once she got me to wear a Viking costume for Halloween. I’m more the red-haired Woody Allen type.

At this new year’s party, a youngish guy, who was just my wife’s fantasy type, walked into the room about 11 p.m. and I saw her head jerk around. She more or less dumped me at our table to go talk to him. At around midnight, she was back hanging around him and they disappeared for about 20 minutes. I couldn’t find her at midnight. I had a suspicion what was happening.

I was willing to let it go as a new year’s kiss, but since then she’s been acting guilty when she’s on the computer and disappearing on excuses, such as going to the grocery store at 10:30 p.m. Usually she likes to stay home when it’s cold, but not now. What should I do? I don’t want to lose my young wife (my second marriage) to this ridiculous fantasy. Please help before it’s too late.

— Anxious, Winnipeg

Dear Anxious: Ask her, “Are you chasing that red-haired guy from the New Year’s Eve party?” It’s a better question than asking her if she’s having an affair with him. People who are wrongly accused of having sex with someone else sometimes feel they might as well go ahead since they’re already being blamed.

Or you might ask her her gently if she wants to lose everything the two of you have together over a crush. Once she knows she and this guy are on your radar, she may let the crush go — it’s no longer cloak and dagger. Or, it could go the other way! She may give you a blast about how she no longer feels the same about you, and what this guy has to offer. At any rate, you have to a make a move rather than let this anxiety build without a resolution to the problem.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent a very lonely Christmas and new year in Winnipeg and don’t want to repeat that scenario next year. Do you think it would feel less lonely if I took a trip somewhere hot or went on a singles cruise? I can’t stay here again and be reminded of the family I don’t have. The only thing I do have is a great job and money in the bank, but it’s not making me feel happy. Could you ask your single readers if going away has worked for them?

— Single Holiday Blues, Winnipeg

Dear Single Holiday Blues: Your new year’s wish is granted. I hereby invite my readers to help you with their personal experiences. I also have some help: a single female friend has just returned from a cruise that welcomes people from singles groups from different countries. They had a blast together eating, dancing and participating in various activities on the boat and on shore. The male-to-female ratio was about one-third men to two-thirds women. People made a lot of friends who want to meet again on other upcoming singles cruises in 2017 and they are keeping in touch by computer. The cruises ended before Christmas, but you might want to choose a tour that sails over the holidays.

And here’s another way to handle it: one year a single friend and I went to an island where we had contacts who found us places to stay near a sailing group who anchored there for a few weeks or months on their trip around the world. We got to know this crew and other expats, and hung out at same bar.

It was like Christmas didn’t really happen except for a big Christmas dinner one night at a restaurant where we all gathered. If you want to skip Christmas as we know it, that certainly was one way. I am a great believer in the saying “Stop doing more of what doesn’t work” and the geographical cure is often a good one for these situations. If you know Christmas doesn’t work for you at home, get the heck out of Dodge for two or three weeks and have a brand-new adventure.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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