Ex-beau shows up hungry for food and fun

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/07/2017 (3337 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My doorbell rang three times a week ago, just before noon. I opened the door to an old boyfriend who asked if I was going to invite him in for lunch. This was an old trick of his when he was a young musician and had no money. Now he’s an older musician, and still has no money. How he found out I had just broken up with my latest boyfriend, I don’t know, but there he was, looking handsome and cocksure, and I was lonely, so I took him in.

I made a big brunch, which he wolfed down. He listened while I whined about my latest breakup, and then he carried me to bed. We laughed a lot — before, during and after the great sex — and it was just the tonic I needed. The trouble is he came back again yesterday and wanted a repeat performance, with a dinner thrown in. My private little joke is that he works for food, but I don’t want to be his twice-weekly pit stop for good cooking and a roll in the hay. It’s too much! What should I tell him?

— Mixed Up, St. Vital

Dear Mixed Up: Figure out what you do want. Maybe you would like him to stop by once in awhile (but not twice a week) until you have a new relationship, or you’re dating regularly again. What you don’t want is for him to think he’s part of your love life. He probably doesn’t want that either.

You need to level with each other ASAP for emotional and physical safety. Tell him the next time he comes by again that he really helped you to rediscover your sense of humour and fun, and you may want a very casual thing with him. If you do, be careful about using barrier protection such as condoms, even if you have other protection ongoing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Help! I’m writing you from the lake where I feel like I’m being held captive. My husband has just retired young and now wants to spend the whole summer at the lake with me and hopefully move here permanently. I don’t want to be with him 24/7 and never did.

His sales work took him away from home half a week and kept our marriage viable. Now that’s over, he’s driving me nuts.

He has the most annoying habits, including a reaction to the outdoors, so he sniffs constantly at the lake, which is driving me up the wall. At bedtime he makes a meticulous list of everything he’s going to do the next day and then religiously carries out his list. He also hums the same tuneless tune, day in and day out. His lovemaking is so predictable I want to scream, “Do something different before I go insane!”

I asked him why he does everything the same, day and night. He said because it makes him feel calm and productive. I wish he would take that to-do list and shove it. I want him to get a job outside this cabin now before I leave him!

— Going Out of My Mind, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Going Out of My Mind: Why should your husband always be the one with the outside job? It’s your turn! Are you close to a town where you could look for a part-time job in a shop where you would meet people? The key to success in your relationship is to avoid overexposure, so tell your husband nicely that you’re not the kind of person who can be with anyone 24/7.

Start looking at your cabin as possibly your real home, not just a vacation spot, and start to establish contact with different groups in the neighbourhood, such as an environmental cause related to the lake, and something social such as a bridge club, a yoga or walking group, a church organization or a geocaching group. Look for summer events and volunteer.

P.S. Do pack him off to the doctor to address those allergies.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography