Eliminate wife’s stress by pitching in after work

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/08/2017 (3288 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is giving me panic attacks. As soon as I get home from my stressful job, she’s at me about things that need to be done in the yard, the garbage building up, the horrible neighbours and our three kids creating hassles.

This was her big dream, to be a stay-at-home mother with a bunch of kids and a loving husband (me) who provides for her, and that she would never be lonely again. That’s everything she didn’t get as an only child of a single mother.

Well, now she’s got all that, plus a dog and a cat, but she’s still not happy. It’s becoming a nightmare on weekdays. I get so anxious. Recently, I experienced the return of panic attacks I had as a child while driving home from work. If she doesn’t get off my case soon, I’m going to want to stop providing that dream. What do I say to her without seeing her face crumble? I do love her. — Panicking Under the Load, Winnipeg

Dear Panicking Under the Load: Good news! This is not a make-it-or-break-it marriage problem. Your wife could get a part-time job that gets her out of the house and away from the kids a couple hours a day, a few days a week. The money she brings in may not seem worth it if babysitters or daycare have to be paid, but the values of a truly happy life together are boundless.

Perhaps the full-time work you do outside the house seems like a lot, but your wife’s doing full-time work at home, and it’s much more emotional with kids than co-workers.

Here’s a plan for “Red Hour” when people are tired and crabby and hungry and dinner has to be made: when you walk through the door, give your wife a kiss and pitch in for 30 minutes

Yes, do some housework right off the top without being asked. Pour a cool drink out of the fridge (not booze) and toast each other with something like, “Here’s to you, light of my life!,” and roll up your sleeves. Even a half-hour of working side-by-side with some music on can make coming home fun. Establish a little routine, such as taking out the garbage first, so it’s just done without discussion, and then throw in some wash, make dinner together and play with the kids.

If you can afford it, hire a cleaning person once a week. And, both you and your wife really need physical exercise to lower your stress, such as taking turns running with the dog, who will love you for it. Laughter helps stress a lot, so stock up on comedies at garage sales (or get Netflix) for the family, make some popcorn and get everybody off the computer for some fun together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My cousin is an idiot. He’s been coming around my garage and helping himself to my tools and then returning the tools the next day. He also tries to charm my wife if she catches him at it.

I’ve told him to stay away from my stuff, and he has the gall to come over anyway once I go to work. His attitude is “Get over it, man! We’re cousins.”

To be fair, he offers me anything from his garage, but he’s got nothing. My wife hates him, but doesn’t want to fight with my relatives. What should I do? — Ready To Belt Him, St. Vital

Dear Ready to Belt Him: Invest in locks or an alarm. He’ll be in shock, since he’s the type who feels entitled.

When he asks you about the lock and why you’re so tight and miserable, tell him he made you that way for taking your tools, and that he should pay for the locks.

Also tell him to stop flirting with your wife, who doesn’t appreciate his come-ons. He’ll soon find somewhere else he can sponge tools. His type always does!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography