Hooking up with former father-in-law would be messy

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This article was published 12/08/2017 (3289 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a secret hidden in my heart. I would like to marry my former father-in-law. I fell in love with my former husband many years ago when I was in my late teens. When I met his father, I laughed because they were so much the same, except my husband drank and partied more. I loved the whole family, and I married the son when we were in our early 20s. Long story short: my husband’s mother passed away years ago, leaving his dad alone. My husband had become a problem drinker over the years and slid further and further into alcoholism. Our children left home and he had the privacy to become abusive to me, and I had to leave for my own safety. I divorced him and it turned out to be a good thing. He went to Alcoholics Anonymous and found a new wife, so he’s happy.

I have been living alone for some years now. My father-in-law and I have both been alone too long and have become very close friends. What I mean is we really want to become love partners, but we would have had to disguise it as friendship. We haven’t made love yet. What do you think?

— Feeling Guilty, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Guilty: Are you trying to recapture the first feelings you had with the man you married — this man’s son? Is there also an element of revenge towards your ex? (He’s happy, and you’re not.) Yes your ex is happy in his own life now, but it’s still his dad you’re looking to be with, and this whole situation has a distinctly incestuous feel to it. The thought of you having been intimate with father and son will be an A-bomb for both he and your children, and it will mess up everybody’s minds. Before you upset a whole bunch of people — perhaps for life — go for some counselling alone, and then together with your father-in-law.

The worst-case scenario is you might lose contact with your children, including your grandchildren, over this. That’s a huge price to pay. Just because you’re attracted to a former relative and admire him greatly doesn’t mean you have any right to go after him. There is more than one love in this world. Some you just can’t have without causing terrible pain to others.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is wearing my patience thin with her demands to go on a second honeymoon. We’ve only been married five years and neither of us is 30 yet. I must admit, the first honeymoon was pretty amazing — we had sex 27 times in a week. I was recording it on a piece of paper. The truth is I’m not up for that much sex anymore and I think she’s pushing this so we can have a baby. She wants one very badly.

I was a regular soccer player when I got married, and had the wind and athletic ability. Now I’m working a desk job and I’m 40 pounds heavier. The thought of her looking at me for 27 more sexy times like the first honeymoon is scary. What if I died in a Mexican hotel room from a sex-induced heart attack?

— Not Up For It, River Heights

Dear Not Up For It: Ask her if the purpose of all this is to conceive a baby. If that’s the case, map out her next few cycles together, if she’s regular, and then, the week or so when she’s likely to be really capable of getting pregnant, act like bunnies and she agrees to do half the work. The rest of the time, you can go at your own casual pace.

Seriously, you need to get yourself back into shape. While 27 times a week is a lot, it sounds like you’re on the couch 27 times a week, which is bad for your health and your marriage. It’s time to get back into training so you don’t have to worry about heart attacks at all, at your age.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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