Mom’s affectionate displays with boyfriend embarrassing

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This article was published 04/11/2017 (3185 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother and her new boyfriend are like two teenagers. It was bad enough she divorced my dad as fast as she could. Now she’s acting like a teenager with wrinkles. She and her boyfriend are always holding hands and all kissy, and I find it embarrassing. I feel unwelcome in my own house. My father has invited me to live at his place, but I’m more at home in this house where I’ve always lived and is near my school.

I don’t want to make my mother unhappy, like she was with my dad, but I feel embarrassed being around her and her boyfriend. I have mostly confined myself to my own room, even to eat. Please help.

— Prisoner in My Room, North End

Dear Prisoner in My Room: Have a talk with your mom and keep it light. Just make your point. Ask her first if she’s noticed that you’re always in your bedroom, even for meals. Then tell her you’re glad she’s happy and having fun with her new man, but it’s embarrassing for you to be around them when they’re being so affectionate. You feel like a third wheel, like you’re not welcome to be in the house, and that’s why you’re hiding.

Perhaps your mom and boyfriend could spend more time at his place, so you could at least have friends over and enjoy your home. Also, consider spending some more time with your dad at his place and doing things with him.

Often, the father in these situations is left feeling pretty lonely if he only gets to see his kid once a week or so. Your mom may surprise you by being startled but OK with this honest conversation. Sometimes new sweethearts just get carried away and forget about the people around them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We celebrated Halloween the Saturday night before it and went to a party dressed as ghouls. Later, we went home, left our costumes on and had wild sex in the bedroom with just one candle burning. It was the best sex we’ve ever had. I didn’t realize how inhibited I was when our naked human bodies were the only things we saw, but it was way better in costume: really uninhibited and fun, much more playful with more teasing and even a little scary at times.

Now I don’t want to stop this kind of sex play; not that I want it every day, but how do I ask my guy to dress up like we did and paint his face when it’s not Halloween? 

— Turned On By Costuming, Osborne Village

Dear Turned On by Costuming: You could have a chest with masks and costume bits in the closet and pull it out every once in awhile when you’re both in the mood to enhance your sex play with a little anonymity. Looking like someone else — hiding behind a mask or costume — lets you do and say things that you feel too shy to do when you’re at your most vulnerable — totally naked.

If you’re too shy to bring this up, just make a tickle chest and slip it in the closet and when the candle is burning, pull out a couple of masks and/or costumes and ask if he wants to play. If he doesn’t, say “Well then, some other time? I’ll just leave this here. It was a lot of fun when we did it.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have this problem at the gym. I enjoy taking classes they offer but there is this one woman who likes to get right behind me every time, and in more than one class. I am a guy and I feel like I’m being stalked. Every class I go to, she’s right behind me. I’m a well-built older man and she’s a flashy older woman who wears lots of makeup at the gym. I’m sick and tired of hearing her panting behind me and looking at my back. Is there anything I can do?

— Disgusted and Uncomfortable, Winnipeg

Dear Disgusted and Uncomfortable: Shine a light on her behaviour. Recognize what she’s doing by turning around and saying, “you again, behind me?” or even, “are you following me?”

If you are too shy for that take a place at the back of the class so she can’t get behind you. You might not be in the place you want for seeing and following the instructors, but at least you’ll be rid of her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a lovely dog who never barks or causes anybody harm, except there is this one guy she barks at loudly and I have to call her into the house. She can’t tell me what’s wrong, so one day I decided not to call her into the house and I watched from behind the curtain on the deck and left the screen door open to hear better.

To my surprise this guy threw a rock into the yard in her direction. I ran out in the yard yelling at him that I was calling the cops. He took off. I don’t know what to do about this weirdo who hates my dog, or maybe all dogs, and I don’t know where he lives and would be scared to follow him. What do you suggest?

— Upset Dog Owner, Winnipeg

Dear Upset Dog Owner: Call the police. They may already know about this guy from other complaints and may even know where he lives from other neighbours with dogs.

In the meantime you need a shelter in your yard where the dog can go when she hears or smells him coming down the lane. The shelter could be a lean-to against your house or an actual dog house.

Also, get motion detectors that light up when someone comes near the back, and makes your dog and your place less of a target. You can also get signs/stickers that warn people they are being filmed.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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