Wife screams wrong name, now things aren’t the same

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This article was published 05/11/2017 (2901 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife of six months screamed out the name of her ex-fiancé when she reached her climax. I listened in horror. It was a passionate sound that broke my heart. I don’t rate those noises, or hearing my name called out.

Both his name and my name begin with a D, which she pointed out quickly. She’s never made that name mistake before. The names are way different in sound and length. I don’t even know what to say. She tried to deny it at first, and then she gave up on that.

What does it mean? Does she really lust for him in her heart? Does it mean he was a better lover? Could it mean she’s fantasizing she is having sex with him to get to the climax with boring old me? Does she still love him? He got rid of her a few months before they were supposed to get married. I scooped her up because I really loved her. I was supposed to be the best man at the wedding. At any rate, we’re left with the aftermath of this embarrassing scream and I don’t know how to handle it. We haven’t made love since.

— Sad and Defeated, Fort Richmond

Dear Sad and Defeated: If you had said “Oh, that was embarrassing for both of us. Let’s talk about this right now,” then you might have been able to determine if it was important and meant something, or if it was truly a slip of the tongue. It’s not too late to ask. In fact, you need to ask tonight because you two are just spinning your wheels and getting in deeper and deeper.

Please write back about what she says to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to a singles activity put on by my church and met a man I really liked. This older lady noticed the attraction and offered to invite us both to her house for coffee. I thought that was a bit odd, but I’m thinking maybe I should go. What do you think?

— Tempted, West Kildonan

Dear Tempted: Why not go? It’s another of those real-life adventures I think people should jump on when they have the chance. Yes, it’s a bit odd, but why not go and find out what will happen? You have nothing to lose if you go and perhaps something to gain. If you fail to even go, you are guaranteed nothing. Please write back and tell us how it goes!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem with one of the seven deadly sins — envy. I am jealous of my older sister. I want what she has and I go after her boyfriends and try to make them mine. My mother likes my sister better than me because she is prettier and smarter and charming to everyone. She’s even nice to me, although I am often scheming against her.

My mother say there’s something wrong with me. I told her there was something wrong with her because she loves one daughter more than the other. She said, “That’s because she’s nicer to me.” Is that really why she loves my sister more, or is it because I’m inferior in every way to her, and mom can show her off?

— Envy Girl, 16, North End

Dear Envy Girl: Instead of asking the very people who upset you — family — for answers, how about looking for outside counselling help, like at your high school? If you can get this envy problem worked out there, you can finally relax and be yourself and learn to love the unique person you are. Then you’ll stop comparing yourself to your sister and trying to steal what she has.

Think about what your mom said. Does your sister treat your mother in a kinder, more co-operative way? Start trying to do that. You need to get into the habit of talking to your mother and your sister using nicer words and not getting angry.

Flowers bloom at different times in the season and your time is coming if you get counselling, relax, be pleasant to family and let yourself develop. You’re wasting too much time and energy obsessing over your mom and your sister right now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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