Confront gossip over new guy’s drug rumour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/11/2017 (3205 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve gone out a few times with a guy in his 40s who seems straight enough to me. He never smells of booze or pot.

He never acts like he’s high or stoned. I was really starting to like the guy, then someone from work — the biggest gossip in the place — asked me who I was dating. I said his name and he expressed some concern and said he does a lot of heavy drugs. I said I hadn’t noticed anything, so this guy who gave me the gossip started backpedalling like crazy.

I don’t want to insult this new guy in my dating life by asking him if he’s hiding a drug habit.

How would I feel if he asked me that? But now I’m really upset. What should I do?

— Worrying About Drug Use, St, Boniface

Dear Worrying About Drug Use: Why not quote the guy who gave you the gossip and name him? See what your new man friend has to say, and at least let him know that’s what’s being said and is there any truth to it. There’s no sense carrying that bad feeling around.

He may never have done anything, or he may be clean but used in the past, or he may be still doing a certain drug, though not around you. At any rate, clear the air and don’t worry about protecting the gossip source. He wasn’t worried about upsetting your new romance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was sleeping last night when my roommate — a woman — slipped into bed beside me. I felt the movement and heard the bed and woke up. I asked what she was doing there and she said she had a bad dream, got scared and didn’t want to be alone.

I told her she could stay, but to stay on her side of the bed.

I went back to sleep and then a little while later I felt this arm sneak around my waist and I sat up bolt upright and asked what she was doing. “Oh, I thought you maybe felt like I do and you wouldn’t mind,” she said. I jumped out of the bed and yelled at her to go back to her own room and that we could talk about things in the morning. I slept badly, but I slept.

When I woke up she was gone — and I mean totally gone. She hadn’t paid her half of the November rent yet, so she stuck me with that, too, and I’m also a college student. She didn’t leave a note or forwarding address, although I suspect she went back to her mom’s place.

What happened that I don’t get here? I don’t have a boyfriend. Do I seem bisexual or lesbian?

— Not My Style! Downtown

Dear Not My Style: It seems this roommate had a secret crush on you. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. She may have imagined you also had feelings of attraction for her and it was worth trying, and hope for the best. By letting her stay in your bed that night, she took it to mean you wanted what she did. This was the beginning, so she made a second tentative move. Now she knows her guess was wrong and she probably crawled home, totally embarrassed.

You could call her and ask her for her half of the November rent, but it will be a waste of your time because she hasn’t lived outside the nest long enough to know she owes you rent for leaving early, even when she isn’t going to sleep in that rented bedroom again.

So write it off and start telling everyone you know you’re looking for a new roomie. Put posters up on billboards and online and find a new roommate ASAP.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography