Ditching date who pretended to forget wallet correct move

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2018 (2812 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was asked out for dinner at a place downtown by a guy my age. After coffees and liqueurs, he gave me an apologetic look while anxiously patting his pockets.

“Oh no, I forgot my wallet at home,” he said. I was shocked, but the more he talked, I knew it was a big lie. I haven’t been duped like that for years, but I’m newly separated after an 18-year marriage, so what do I know about dating?

I told him that since he had asked me out, I wasn’t paying the bill, which was $65. I told him to drive home and get his wallet and I would wait there. 

He huffed in annoyance and started making a big deal of digging around in the pockets of his pants and painfully pulled out a couple of 20-dollar bills. I also saw a pink tip of a $50 in his shirt pocket when he was leaning over digging around.

I leaned over and pulled it out in front of his face! Then I summoned the server, and said,”My friend here is ready to pay our bill now with his $90,” and I walked out. I was so mad! Did I do the right thing? My teenage kids say it’s expected that everybody pays for themselves now. Is that true? 

— New to Dating World at 39, Winnipeg

Dear New To Dating World at 39: It may be true that everybody goes dutch if you’re in your teens, but even then, one person or the other will sometimes clearly say it’s his or her treat.

If this date of yours was older than 30, then he knows the difference between asking someone out for dinner and paying honourably, and asking someone out then trying to welch on the bill. This man had at least $90 on him, and probably more you didn’t see.

The only thing I would have done differently is put my own cash tip into the waiter’s hand, not trusting the welcher to pay a proper tip.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was shocked to read your answer to Prepping Myself For Trouble, where the betrayed wife saw her husband’s ex-lover in the street and slapped her.

You called it “not a bad deal considering all of the action you got from her husband.” Judging Prepping’s relationship as something that merits a slap, is akin to slut-shaming. Condoning assault is unacceptable. The wife needs therapy and a better outlet to handle her anger and she should have worked it out with her husband, not taken it out on Prepping. Here’s a note she could send to the couple: “Work your issues out between yourselves. Leave me out of this.

“The slap was not only immature but illegal. If you come anywhere near me again, I will file for a protection order and have you charged with assault.”

I certainly hope that the situation doesn’t escalate because of how our society is so quick to pass judgment on a woman who’s had an affair with a married man and label her as someone who deserves punishment. I really hope to God she doesn’t get hurt. That wife has anger issues and needs help quickly. You can’t just hit a person when you get upset. 

— Shocked, Winnipeg

Dear Shocked: The wife experienced normal anger for a woman who was facing her husband’s lover, but it could be argued she has a violence issue.

The woman who wrote about being slapped said the slap hardly hurt. And she admitted she didn’t mind a little street justice, so she got a verbal slam in when she hollered, “He was worth it, baby!”

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a bad experience with my hypochondriac mother again, and hit the wall! She gave me supreme hell for leaving her alone two days a week. I burst into tears, ran out of her house and drove home.

I’ve been going over to her house daily to help her out with cleaning and cooking because she claims she’s sick (no diagnosis). She’s been letting on that no one else in the family cares about her.

It’s a huge imposition on me to help her with meals and cleaning, as I live across town and it adds an extra 90 minutes of driving to my day, but I have no children. (Well, I have her.) My mother is physically fine, but she knows how to push my guilt buttons. My husband is an accountant. When he saw my tears, he said he had enough and went to her house, ostensibly to help her with her finances.

He made her give him a look in her bill drawer and it turns out she secretly gets a cleaning company to come in once a week to do the floors and such. She also has grocery delivery a couple times a month and, on top of that, she gets a massage guy to come over every Monday.

My husband broke it to her that I have to quit running around for her, as he wants me at home.

He told her she’s healthy, has ample help and only needs a monitoring service because of her age. He’ll pay that for her.

She still drives, so he took her over to a gym nearby and paid for her membership and got her to sign up for a few classes of Zumba where she’ll meet people. I feel so relieved to not go over there anymore, but I feel guilty. Help!

— Mean Daughter, North End

Dear Mean Daughter: Go once a week with your husband and you won’t be bullied again by your mom. Suggest a card game while you’re there so the talk isn’t centred on her health and need for daily help and housework visits from you.

Learn to live with the guilt, and get busier in your own social life. The guilt will fade, but when it’s bugging you most, give your mom a quick call — make it under 10 minutes — and fill it full of family news. Don’t just ask how she is and wait for the inevitable litany of complaints.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6