Add your own young pals to husband’s boring bunch

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/06/2019 (2626 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my late 40s, and I want to change my friends completely. I’m sick to death of people my husband’s age going on about their plans for early retirement at 55. I have a great little business, and I’m not old like these tired-out people. I told my 54-year-old husband this, and he said I was being “vain” to think I don’t belong with these people. He says he’s never heard of people throwing away a whole set of friends in mid-life.

Then he said I must be crazy. He ordered me to keep seeing the wives, as he’s personal and business friends with the men. He also had the colossal nerve to say I should “see a shrink and get my head straightened out” and to put the cost on his card. Help! I’m so upset, I don’t know what to do.

— Lonely for Real Friends, E. Winnipeg

Dear Lonely: Go ahead and see a shrink who will be more understanding and open to your feelings and thoughts. Pay for the visits yourself. What your husband doesn’t get is this: you wouldn’t be throwing out friends you love if you make this move, but acquaintances who are married to his old pals. The wives may not like you that much, either.

So get busy, and find younger friends who suit you. Add them to your social list, without subtracting the old group. Just see less of them. Who knows? Your husband may end up liking the partners of your lively new friends, as well as his old buddies’ wives. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a lover in another Canadian city. She’s wonderful. I wish I’d left my wife and married her long ago. I never want to lose her now that I’ve found her because she is my magic and my new love… My wife hasn’t been the most faithful partner, as she’s a drinker. Over the years I forgave her a few “slips,” partly because she was drunk and partly because I felt it opened the door for me. We should have broken up long ago, but we had kids to raise.

Now that the kids are gone, my lover wants to know why I can’t come to her and be her husband. I’m dragging my feet. I guess I like things the way they are — sexy and romantic, flying into her city and going to her place on business trips. I don’t know how long I can postpone making a move on this. I’d die inside if I lost my new lady, as I love her so much. Please help.

— Feeling the Pressure, Tuxedo

Dear Feeling the Pressure: Your wife might enjoy a good settlement, and your lover would enjoy having a real partner, not one hidden away. You have a choice to make. You can’t keep having both. Here’s a helpful exercise: close your eyes and imagine life if you and your wife parted and you were with your lover. Open your eyes. Now close them again and imagine your lover leaving you and you’re with just your wife again. Time to make a move.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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