Ignore the unwashed masses and tie the knot

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This article was published 29/06/2019 (2291 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve fallen for a man who is the wrong man on paper, but I love him and he loves me. Our skin colours don’t match. Also, I’m a big woman with a blue-collar job and he’s a small guy with degrees and a white-collar job. He wears suits and ties to work while I’m in jeans and a blue shirt.

We don’t like the same kinds of sports, arts, books, TV or movies. His relatives are hoity-toity. I look like a biker bitch with my tattoos.

He says he doesn’t give a damn about our differences and he means it. I also say I also don’t care about it, but truthfully, I feel stupid about looking weird together and getting stared at.

How could we have a regular wedding, when I could pick him up and carry him down the aisle? Anyway, I’m a lapsed Catholic and he’s Jewish. He doesn’t care about getting remarried because he’s been down that trail with another woman (his own size) and she bored him senseless once they got hitched. She had her clubs, and expensive tastes in clothing, fancy furniture and cars. I have a motorcycle and a truck — that’s all I need.

I’m a rebel and a fighter and most people think I’m a lesbian because of my size and muscle. To be honest, some people think he’s my little gay pal and I’ve been called a “fag hag” more than once for hanging out with him.

I think he’s cute and I love everything about his personality. We can talk all night and never be bored and we get along great sexually. I know it’s me dragging my feet and he’s getting tired of my being “ashamed” of us. How do we figure all this out?

— Just Call Me Jane, Manitoba

Dear Jane: Look, if your differences were unattractive to each other, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You would have spent 10 minutes with each other and made excuses to go find somebody who looks like a better match.

It’s other people’s impressions you’re worried about.

Time for you to get out of the shallow end of the pool, Lady Jane. You’re drowning yourself in two feet of water. This guy loves you the way you are and doesn’t have all the hang-ups you do about looks and size and how things will appear to other people. If you do get married, and I hope you will, don’t do it the old-fashioned way. Have a “destination wedding” on a beach and forget to send invitations.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my old girlfriend at the lake and did a double take. She had big breasts, while before, she had nothing much.

I couldn’t help staring for a minute or three. She finally said, “My eyes are up here, pal!” and laughed. I asked her how she was doing and she said, “Bigger and better!” Always the joker, ha ha.

Problem is, I’ve dreamed about those new bosoms every night since. I am obsessed. I don’t want her back, because she’s a closet wino and I could smell it on her breath that day, but she was always lots of fun. I want to call her. I know she’s single again because she told me.

Do you think she wants me to call her?

— Dreaming About Her, North End

Dear Dreaming: Yes, it sounds like she wants you to call, and she’d give you a chance to see “the girls.” But maybe she’d like to lure you back for more than that. She’s certainly getting a great kick out of the effect the big, new breasts have on men, and especially on you — a guy who once dated her.

Since she hasn’t given up drinking, you’d be back in the same old mess once the effects of her new body wore off. It’s best to just to leave her alone to find a new guy, while you keep on dreaming.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was at my cabin with my husband when he burst out crying. I couldn’t get it out of him when he started, but a half-hour later, he choked it out that he’s bisexual and lately he’s been cheating on me with a guy. He swears he’s not in love with him but “it finally feels right.” By “it,” I gather he means sex with a man.

I am angry, hurt, sorry for him, sorry for me and the whole thing is awful. We haven’t had any babies, as he’s never wanted them. Now, he tells me it was because he didn’t know how long he could stay in the closet.

All I could say was, “Well, you’re out of the closet now, and we can’t get that door shut again.” Pretty bitter, I know.

My sister said this might be my chance to get a new love and get remarried and have children, and she has a point. He’s begging me to stay with him, because he loves me. What should I do?

— Still Love Him, Fort Garry

Dear Still: Love doesn’t turn off like a tap, but it often drips away. In a few weeks or months, you’ll feel different than you do today — and very likely, you’ll be looking at the dissolution of this marriage. There’s nothing you can “fix” within you to change the situation and nothing your husband can do either.

He may love you, but he doesn’t just want you, a woman, for his only sex partner. He has basically told you that. It’s best to believe people when they tell you their painful truths.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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