Ground the lust, sort it out

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/12/2019 (2433 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In 2019, I’ve finally been a bad wife, and had the most fun year of my life since I got married. I thumbed my nose at my old beliefs and enjoyed an adventurous love and sex life, outside of my marriage to a serial cheater.

My husband has carried on an affair with one woman for several years now.  I have been the martyr, staying with him for the good of the children and for the lifestyle he provides. His guilt over his other woman has caused him to take our family on sunspot trips, which the kids loved. He knows I know, but there has never been a showdown. 

I have made no confessions of my own. Now that I have my own outside relationship, I am much happier and nicer to my husband in the bedroom.

My question is this: my affair partner has asked me to meet him for a week away in Mexico this winter — just one week alone — which I could probably do with a live-in babysitter at home, like my doting mother. My sweetheart suggests I pretend to be away with a girlfriend or two for a week in the sun. 

I’m afraid that’d be pushing it, although my husband goes away with his woman sometimes for many days. That’s how I first found out about his affair — airline ticket stubs. 

I’m afraid I will somehow get discovered, too, by actually travelling with someone, and I might lose the financial support I have now. What do you think I should do? — Worried About This Trip, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: Let’s look at the reality of being on vacation with your lover. Not very romantic. You’d be nervous — perhaps to the point of not enjoying it — and jumping whenever the phone rings. You’ll need lies ready to deploy at a moment’s notice. Your husband might even ask to say hello to one of your girlfriends! 

And here’s the worst risk: thousands of Winnipeggers vacation in Mexico in the winter, and you will be sure to run into people you know.

How about you stay home? You simply can’t gamble your children’s support and your own life as you know it, by taking this trip — even if your husband lives that way.

Now here’s a novel idea: How about getting honest with your husband in 2020? Neither one of you are acting like you’re married anyway.

In preparation, quietly see a divorce lawyer and accountant you don’t share with your husband, and find out what exactly will happen by getting divorced. Since your husband is a wealthy man, he will have to pay a goodly amount in support for the children, and there will be money for you from splitting your wealth.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a musician, half in love with a man who doesn’t know Bach from the Beatles, and listens to no rock, blues or jazz — just country music blasted on the radio of his truck.

As the new year approaches, I am wondering if I should make a clean breast of things. I confess it depresses me that he’s such a dunce where music is concerned.

Is it petty of me to want an otherwise nice man to be someone he’s not? — On the Brink, St. Vital

Dear On The Brink: This is not the right man for you, a musical person. You don’t use the word “love” and you call him a “dunce.” Your description of him as “nice” is faint praise indeed. 

Where is your gumption, girlfriend? Get out and find yourself someone who is musical like you, and a man you would consider a winner in many other ways.

You would do this “nice” man no favours by marrying him and wishing he were more like yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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