Let lost friend be a lesson

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/02/2020 (2077 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m so sorry I stole my best friend’s boyfriend, I can’t even express the feelings. When he broke up with her a few months ago after two years, I finally found out why. She told me everything, and the problem was a sexual thing she refused to do.

Now here’s the bad part. I was secretly in love with him myself by this time. So, while she was trying to heal and forget her heartbreak with him, I used that inside information for myself. Disgusting, I know. Then I went after him a month later (behind her back, while still comforting her) and I managed to get him to make me the hidden sex diva of his dreams.

Now I hate myself for it! He was so careless about keeping it a secret that she found out about me, and my 10-year friendship with her was OVER in one terrible phone call. She called me out — crying, screaming and tearing me to shreds. I know I deserved every word of it. With everything in a mess, he has also dumped me and started seeing other girls. When I confronted him, he said, “YOU are a fine one to talk after what you did to your best friend! Who will feel sorry for you? I sure don’t!” And then he said the most heart-wrenching thing ever, “If she wanted me, I’d go back to her in a minute.”

This guy has done us BOTH over, but she doesn’t see that. She doesn’t want to be friends with me again EVER. I know because I humbled myself, and begged for her friendship back! Do you think there’s any way I could ever get her back?

— So Terribly Sorry Now, Manitoba

Dear Sorry: It’s highly doubtful she’ll take you back as a friend of any kind, because you used her intimate heartbreak information when she was completely down and out.

You used that inside information and went out and offered her guy what he was after sexually, and he took it. But when the fascination with that sexual experience lost its novelty, he felt guilty. He was left with a loathsome feeling for you, and for himself for hurting this girl he went with for two years.

No doubt it feels better to you that you apologized and begged for forgiveness, but showing remorse for something this big doesn’t restore all the lost trust. This best friend is very likely not coming back.

Hopefully, this painful lesson will make you a better friend in the future and you will one day have a new best friend who can trust you with intimate conversation — and to stay away from any man she cares about.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I went home to my family in another province after the new year, I walked into a brewing family battle and they seemed to think I should be the one to settle it.

My mother died recently and left her money equally to everyone except one of her six children. Why was my brother left out? Because he spoke to her forcefully a few years before she died, and he got her to stop the nasty and critical way she treated her adult children who still live in and around our home town. He also got her to go to a doctor who prescribed long-needed medication. “He thought I was crazy!“ was her irate reaction to that push from my bro — but it really helped. The end of her life was much more pleasant with the family because she became halfway pleasant, made amends and was allowed to get to know her grandchildren.

She still hated the outspoken son to her dying day. To him she left nothing — not a penny! My oldest sister thinks we should redistribute the money in the will and give him his portion. Half the siblings agree and two, who have less money, do not. They asked me to settle this because I “come from away.” I guess they thought I wouldn’t be there to hear the grumbling afterwards. The brother who brokered the peace could really do with some money, as he took awful heat and he doesn’t have much money, like some of us do. What do you think?

— No Idea What To Suggest, Winnipeg

Dear No Idea: I agree some money should go to the brother who brought about the family peace, but it doesn’t have to be an equal portion from each sibling. Talk to your oldest sister and suggest a voluntary thing. Those who can afford to redistribute, and want to, can put an amount back in the pot for the brother.

To prevent squabbles over that, a lawyer should handle this and people would not be required to make their amount known to the rest.

If someone makes more money and wants to quietly put in more than would have been their share in an equal redistribution, they should do it, but make a pact so no one knows, brags or complains. Amounts should be kept totally quiet and collected by the lawyer.

The amount doesn’t really matter. Personally speaking, if I were the left-out sibling who got a money gift and a card of thanks from the five people actually named as the mother’s heirs, I’d be surprised and deeply touched.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.