Keep serious family chat private

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This article was published 16/02/2020 (2371 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is a difficult person but we forgave her (the best we could) after what she went through when our father was still alive. What a cold, angry man! As a result, she was unhappy a lot of the time, secretly drank and was always enforcing his nasty rules.

I don’t know how they ever had enough warmth together to make four children, since they slept on far opposite sides of the bed any time we saw them. In her mid-40s, Mom declared “early menopause” to everyone who’d listen (how embarrassing!) and they finally got twin beds, whatever that meant.

When my father died, and my mother got sick a few years later, she was delirious for a time and started babbling. Mom — the cold fish — shocked us all. She had an ongoing affair with my uncle — her husband’s fun-loving younger brother — and was calling out inappropriate things in the hospital, with his name attached.

This uncle married another woman his age, but still there was a visible affection with our usually cold mother, and she maintained to us our young uncle was “the best guy in the world.”

Our uncle was rarely around after he married, without his wife clinging onto his arm.

When us kids moved to the city to work, I needed a job in a hurry, and my young uncle got his company to hire me. I do look like a younger version of him, and some people at first mistook me for his son. Knowing what I do, I wonder if he might possibly be my birth father. Part of me is dying to ask. Should I ask him out for a meal, and hit him with the big question?

— Dying to Know the Truth, Winnipeg

Dear Dying: There are better places to ask for a possible confession other than a restaurant, even if it’s the back booth. There’s the risk of tears, the server showing up, someone (or both of you) needing to run out early.

If you have the talk in a car (not a bad choice) try to be the driver. Be aware you need to be close to a place you can stop and collect your wits before continuing on the road safely. If there’s a confession, like maybe a talk and tears, at least it’s private. If he is your bio-dad you might even have a father/son hug. But be prepared for less.

He may just smile and say, “I can’t blame you for wondering, but the timing wasn’t right, and I know you aren’t my son. It’s just the family genes coming through.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend came over the night before Christmas claiming he had to work Christmas Eve. On Feb. 1 he suggested we celebrate Valentine’s Day two weeks early and he had a cheap card for me. He announced he was going on a trip last-minute with his buddies and was very excited — a little too excited. He claims he loves me, but I don’t know if I believe him. What do you think?

— No Sweet Occasions Together, Fort Richmond

Dear Sweet Occasions: Dump this cavalier guy. It’s quite possible he lies to you about special gift-giving occasions, but wants you to hang around for the ordinary times. He doesn’t show up to honour emotional occasions such as Christmas and Valentine’s Day because he doesn’t feel that sentimental about being with you. He’s treating you second or third best, and that’s not good enough! He’s wasting your precious time.

Find somebody who’s both sincere and fun. With some effort — you have to get out there and look — you can find a new guy who’s not out testing the waters at beaches, or cruising the bars for overnight Valentines. Nor will he be sneaking off to see someone else on Christmas Eve!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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