Time for new boyfriend to show his hand

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This article was published 01/04/2020 (2360 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart feels like it’s in a vise getting squeezed. I just found out my new boyfriend, who says he loves me, has been talking to his ex again. She is a bad gambler. Now I’m on the scene, she’s telling him she quit gambling for good because he left her, and she couldn’t bear it. She is known for her baby talk. He actually told me she said: “It bwoke her poor widdo heart!” He was laughing at her, but I could still see he thought it was cute.

He is so proud he got her to stop. It is a dream come true, though too late, I hope. She would never do it, as long as he stayed. This week he crowed about her quitting over him twice. But, he still says he loves me, and I love him! Can I believe that from him?

— Flooded with Doubt, Fort Garry 

Dear Flooded: It’s interesting your new man felt comfortable enough to do all this crowing in front of you. Either he loves you so much he isn’t even thinking of going back — and just wants to impress you with how much someone could love him — or, more likely, it’s because he’s so happy about her, he doesn’t care enough to be sensitive to your feelings anymore. 

Ask him outright what’s really going on, and run for it if he’s preparing to go back to her, should she stay clean (they may have a deal). Don’t continue to hang around while he starts to hook up with this lady again, as the vise will only get tighter and tighter around your heart.

I think his ex is fighting to resurrect his love for her and reclaim him. She gave up an addiction for him and may feel she paid the ultimate price because she loves the thrill of gambling so much.

Yours is a very new relationship and “I love yous” have already been exchanged. That’s generally an over-expression of “I’m wild about you.” Exciting first sex can have words like that popping out of one’s mouth.

In your case, it’s been expressed during early infatuation, that period where you only know a little bit about someone and you assign positive attributes to the rest of their personality before you really test anything out. It hurts to break up in the infatuation stage, but the good news is you get over it quicker.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last year on April Fool’s Day I told my wife — totally as a joke — I was actually a cross-dresser and came out of our big walk-in closet wearing one of her dresses with the zipper wide open down the back. She was not amused. 

In fact, she was worried and it took three months to get past that gaffe. I’m just writing, hoping you’ll print this on April Fool’s Day, to warn any other idiots out there to be careful what joke they pull. Mine backfired big time. I thought it was totally laughable because I’m so big and hairy.

— Warning to Idiots, Tuxedo

Dear Warning: April Fool’s Day is known for a high percentage of dumb jokes that backfire on people. That’s probably why it’s now supposed to end at noon. 

Of course, there are harmless kid-funny jokes like switching out the Oreo cookie filling for white toothpaste in someone’s lunch and leaving an April Fool’s note. But all the jokes are really designed to freak out the other person and make them look stupid or silly. 

A better kind of joke for you, my friend, would be to promise something small — like takeout — and then deliver something big and more fun, like a candlelight dinner and romance at home, which sends the message: “April Fool! You’re way more adored than you know!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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