Find décor détente with busy hubby

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This article was published 05/04/2020 (2372 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I are both working from home right now and he has become a pushy know-it-all. He has already rearranged the furniture in the living room and dining room. I was OK with that — to a degree — as his taste is usually good, but it is my house too. He didn’t ask my permission, just waited for me to go walk the dog to start moving things. The last time I came back in, 45 minutes later, and it was “Ta-da! Look what I’m doing.” I was not amused.

Last night I caught him in the basement going through different colours of half-used paint cans. He was going to repaint the little picture wall in our kitchen without consulting me! I said, “Over my dead body will you paint that kitchen wall lime green!” What should I do about him?

— Ready To Explode, Fort Garry

Dear Ready To Explode: If he were not afraid of a veto, he might talk to you ahead of time about changes he feels like making. Are you usually “boss of domestic services” while he plays a minimal role? Are you both going stir-crazy at home?

I’m not going to lecture you about “compromise” here, because some people call it “the situation where nobody gets what they really want” — particularly if their tastes are quite different. But you could claim a couple of rooms you decorate, and your husband could pick a few others for himself.

The only place you don’t want anybody to be unhappy about the décor is the bedroom — assuming you share that room for intimate times. That’s where you’ll have to compromise if your sensual tastes are a clash between pink rose wall paper versus black leather with red accents. Good luck, you two!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 16 and finally have a girlfriend, but she told me last night she’s thinking of “moving on” because she liked it better when we were best friends.

She says she feels inhibited from talking about everything she thinks now that I am her real boyfriend. She has always been a blabbermouth — which is part of what I like about her. She’s rude and shocking, and often talks trash about her boyfriends — that used to really make me laugh. But now I’m “that stupid guy” who does idiotic things, or lands a kiss half off her mouth and then drags it across her face. She has no one to be her “unhurtable” male friend anymore. I’m feeling rocky right now, as I could lose my girlfriend and my best friend all at once, and I really love her.

— What To Do? Winnipeg

Dear What To Do: It seems you need to say bye-bye to this comedian with the mean mouth. Do not let her stand there tapping her toe, trying to decide if and when you should get demoted. You won’t respect yourself if you continue to allow this, and she won’t respect you either.

She needs a strong personality in her boyfriend, or she will walk all over him. Can you be that kind of guy, all of a sudden? Frankly, she deserves to be dumped, although it’s clear that would be a very deep loss to you. The question is: Does she love you as a boyfriend or just like you a lot as the audience who applauds her comedy, no matter how nasty it is?

It’s really insensitive of her to tell you ahead she’s “thinking” it’d be best to demote you. So here’s the deal. Tell her you’ll never go back to being her best buddy, and that you will walk right now if that’s what she wants.

There’s a small chance actually cutting off your love and appreciation might reveal to her she feels a lot more for you than she knows. But will you want her back? She can be cruel to you, as she is showing you right now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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