Not the time for new intimate connections

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/04/2020 (2374 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: The letter below is in response to my letter to Stuck In Tricky Times. I told the man who wants to go out and meet the people he’s been in contact with on dating sites Tinder and Bumble, that phone calls and online chat are safe right now, but meeting a new person is not.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I never saw you as a close-your-eyes and run-with-the-pack-type person. Since 1990 there have been millions of people who have died from HIV/AIDS. Has your advice to people been to never have sex again? There have been millions killed in car accidents. Is your advice to never ride in a car again?

COVID-19 is likely with us for a long time. I have not heard any public officials say we are waiting this out until there is a cure. HIV/AIDS still has no cure.

The object of social distancing is to lower the flood of people that enter the health-care system all at once. People are going to need to go back to work soon to support feeding and caring for the world, themselves and and their families.

Better advice would be ensure as well as possible that the person you are about to meet is not sick and has had very little opportunity to contract COVID-19.

For a lot of people, work will be a lot more dangerous than dating, as you will not have any opportunity to know the recent health and travel history of people you come in contact with.

COVID-19 or not, the world still needs to move on at some point. Let’s just do it as safely as possible.— Surprised by Your Response, Winnipeg

Dear Surprised: I am equally surprised at your response. Of course I am sympathetic to the plight of people who are single and want to be meeting new people and dating — with the usual hugging, kissing, touching, and maybe making love one day in the near future.

But these are early COVID-19 days and this virus is spiking. It is much more contagious than HIV. The major point of social distancing is to keep people from giving each other the virus, and the secondary point is to flatten the curve of people who would flood the hospitals and clinics.

This is definitely not the time to start dating and getting intimate with a new person who doesn’t know for sure where they stand in terms of the virus. Who knows? They could be carrying it, even if they have no symptoms yet — and so could you.

Unlike HIV, you don’t have to be sexual to get the coronavirus. You can pick it up from sneezes, coughs, clothing, door knobs, gas pumps and many other surfaces. 

You say: “Better advice would be ensure as well as possible the person you are about to meet is not sick and has had very little opportunity to contract COVID-19.” How can you trust a new person you want to date to tell you that, and know for sure it’s true? They probably don’t know themselves.

Nobody can promise you they’re not incubating the COVID-19 virus. The point of normal dating is to become mentally, emotionally and physically close, as in kissing, petting and perhaps having sex down the road. Why start that in motion right now? It seems you have your eyes and ears closed to the facts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into my former “almost mother-in-law” who informed me her daughter, who dumped me and broke my heart for another guy, is free again.

Apparently he broke up with her because she was travelling too much for her job in sales, and he wanted more of a homebody. Her mom, who always liked me, was hinting I should give her a call because her precious little baby has the lonely blues.

I am tempted because she probably wants some fun. I think I wouldn’t fall for her again, because she put me through so much. Should I do it? — Looking at Quicksand? St. Norbert 

Dear Quicksand: Don’t fall in! You seem to have forgotten the pain you went through when this woman dumped you. You might think you’ll be casual now and just have a little harmless fun with your ex. But she will be on her best behaviour if she wants to play with you — since she hurt you before. Can you resist that from her? That’s how she won you the first time. She will know what works on you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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