Time to cut ties with intrusive ex

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This article was published 15/04/2020 (2009 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My former alcoholic wife has just moved back to Manitoba — and worse — to our hometown, to live again. I saw her for the first time downtown in a store today and my mouth fell open.

It was a shock. She looked great — the way she looked when I first met her — but I heard her flapping her mouth at the front of the store, as crude as ever.

When we broke up and she left, she told me she’d never return to this “hellhole full of gossips” again. But now she’s back here herself, all cleaned up. I don’t know what she wants.

People will be leery of her because she was such a problem in town before, and I admit I’m running scared. She might try to ruin my new romance. I actually dropped my groceries and snuck out the back door. The store owner (my friend) recognized my panic and helped me get out quick.

I have a new girlfriend now, and she has heard the stories about this woman and is worried about her. When my ex-wife gets in a lonely mood, she goes banging on people’s doors to visit. She will be curious about my new lady from another town, who just moved in with me. It would not be beneath her to try to make contact with my new lady.

How can I live my life in peace? I am already starting to get the nervous tic I had when I was with her. — Feeling Scared, Southern Manitoba

Dear Scared: If she’s as assertive as you say, she may come over. This doesn’t sound very Canadian of me, but if she comes to the door and knocks, you really don’t have to answer. You two are finished, and it was a bad ending.

Consider locking the front and back doors now, even though it’s a small town, in case she’d be bold enough to open the door, walk in and yell: “Yoo-hoo, anybody home?” If she used to live in that house, she may still feel some ownership.

Because you’re already anxious, it might be good to have one phone call with her so you don’t have to drop your groceries and run again. Make it plain that you wish her well in her sobriety, but emphasize that she is not to have anything to do with you or your new lady. You’ll be civil when you run into her, but any kind of friendship is out of the question. Then hang up and let her chew on that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I decided to grow out my beard, and it’s long and white. My hair is much darker — salt-and-pepper.

My wife says she likes it, but my kids say I look weird “like Santa Claus, or an old hippie.” My daughter is 16 and has a new boyfriend but has been dragging her feet about bringing him home. I asked her why and she said, “You need to shave that awful beard, dad!” and then she burst into tears.

Why is this such a big deal? It shouldn’t be anything. — Her Same Old Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Same Old Dad: Your daughter is deeply embarrassed — not just a little bit. And I’m guessing this new boyfriend means a lot to her. Teenage girls who admire their dads are prone to brag about them, but your extreme new look has become comic and embarrassing to her.

Your young lady is leaving the nest soon enough, so give her a bit of say-so about that long white beard. Then, when she leaves home, grow it out to your waist if you want — and your wife can deal with it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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