Savour steamy seclusion, but stay connected

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/04/2020 (2298 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Talk about a strange, albeit welcome, silver lining to the pandemic. I’m going to be blunt here. My wife and I haven’t had as much sex since we were honeymooners and got pregnant a month later.

Our kids have moved to other cities in the last five years, and we’re all alone in the house, working remotely for our companies. Before, we were too busy to get sexy. But now, we have less work and more time to relax.

Here’s the best part: No one is knocking on our doors and we can run around naked or half-dressed if we want to! My wife often does her work in her negligee and housecoat. That gets me going and “nooners” have been re-instated in our house. We haven’t had those since university days.

We’re calling this our second honeymoon and we don’t give a dang if nobody comes over. We don’t want them; let them phone or email. We’re staying home where it’s safe and sexy. The odd knock at the door is startling, and we look at each other strangely. We finally put a sign out that says: “You must stand back two metres before we can open the door.” We are writing to suggest other “empty nesters” take a tip from us.

— No Welcome Mat, Winnipeg

Dear No Welcome Mat: Yet another silver lining letter, but you lovers seem to be getting a tad cranky about your privacy.

Look, the only people coming to most people’s doors these days are delivering something those inside have ordered. Those people would be you. Be polite to them. First, look out the front window to see who’s there, then call through the door, asking politely for their identity and social distancing. Then inform them how you will make the payment, if you haven’t e-transferred or paid online already. Perhaps you can throw the delivery person a cash packet and add a tip to it, and they can leave your package.

If it’s neighbours at the door, request that they stand back and ask nicely what they want. They may be having trouble of some kind and need help!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour “dinged” my bumper, and I know it. I’m sure he knows it, too. He usually parks behind me in the lane. The ding has a tiny bit of paint, the same colour as his vehicle.

I could get it fixed for almost nothing by a friend of mine, or I could phone this guy and go after him, so he doesn’t get away with it. What do you suggest?

— Feeling Annoyed, Wildwood Park

Dear Annoyed: In these unusual times, you really don’t need an auto insurance fight with a neighbour. You really need neighbours willing to help each other out. If you quietly get this fixed for “almost nothing” and this guy feels a little guilty — he will be quick to help you if you need something, as it’s quite possible he’ll feel he owes you. Plus, you don’t know with 100 per cent certainty that he did it. In the midst of a hassle with him through Autopac, you won’t even feel you can knock on his door for anything.

But if it bothers you greatly, you may need to phone him and ask if he may have accidentally hit your bumper and if he’d be willing to pay you the small amount of money your friend will charge you to fix it privately.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You gave a very good answer to Aching Ears — the fellow who wrote in about his wife practising singing to go onto karaoke online. (Miss L. told him to put on computer earphones.)

He should know karaoke singers are not opera singers and are judged by the fortitude and effort they put into their singing. Who knows, she might even get raves for her production.

As far as not supporting his wife’s singing, I know that back in the 1940s my dad (not that I ever thought of him as being a disrespectful person) was a bit critical of my mom’s singing. I thought she wasn’t that bad, but as a result, she did restrict singing around the home in front of the children.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: What a shame everybody didn’t get a nice singing voice at birth.

It’s good to see most people — unlike Aching Ears — are relaxing their judgement as people at home are looking for something fun to do, with karaoke singers popping up all over the web, from people’s basements and living rooms.

Personally, I think we should listen to them with a sympathetic ear and appreciation for their courage to stand up and do it. It takes guts to sing it out when you know you aren’t a star, and some of these amateurs even apologize before they start singing!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography