Adult kids have no say in romantic redux

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/05/2020 (1967 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m quite aware this is an inappropriate time to fall in love, but my first husband came back to Winnipeg (we were married at 18 and divorced by 25) after living out east for a long time.

We fell back in love unexpectedly a few months ago. I kept my apartment, packed a few suitcases and moved in with him, rather than have us be separated by the coronavirus. He agreed on the idea and thought it’d be a good test run, to see if the same things that separated us before would pop up again. Years ago, we were immature, argumentative party people, and no good with money.

Now we are mature adults, getting along famously, though my kids (not by him) in their mid-20s are shocked and worry how their dad will take it. I don’t really care about his opinion, as he and I are divorced now.

The “kids” have their own places with friends here in Winnipeg. My old/new boyfriend’s kids live out east. We can’t have my kids over, so we’re in our little bubble and very happy.

But what happens when we can? Will they try to wreck things? They want to know what’s going to happen. They have said our getting back together is everything from “doomed” to “creepy” to “kind of romantic” that we found each other again. We don’t know what’s going to happen. Please advise.

— Together Again, central Manitoba

 

Dear Together: You can decide this all by yourselves without help or hindrance from the grown-up kids — both here and out east. Don’t ask for their advice; you’ll get it anyway. You wisely kept your house or apartment, so if your experiment doesn’t work out, you have lost nothing.

It’s nice you have this protected bubble to see how things develop. Immaturity is one of the surest things to kill a marriage, but in your case there were still some embers left. Good luck in your rekindled love!

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Fat is the only word for what I am. I used to be skinny. Then I got pregnant and married, in that order. My husband — a farmer who does physical work all day (and never got pregnant!) — is skinny and muscular. I never took off my extra pregnancy weight.

Last night my husband told me I needed to lose “about 30 pounds” to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and it was about time I did it. He said he’d “pay for a weight-loss class to get the job done safely.” I won’t repeat what I said to him, other than “back off” and some choice swear words. I am not one of his cattle!

Anyway, here’s the problem. He doesn’t know I’m pregnant again, and he’s going to put two and two together and think I’m going to weigh 60 extra pounds after the next baby arrives. I know the man loves me deeply, and he just wants me to be healthy and not get diabetes like his mom had.

He’s going to think I tricked him into this second baby so soon, but it just happened the one time he didn’t want to wear a condom. One time! I am happy about it — one child would get so lonely on the farm. What should I do?

— Chubby Mommy, rural Manitoba

 

Dear Mommy: You need to tell your husband the truth about the new baby, so he knows dieting, other than a complement of healthy foods, is not happening just now. Your husband isn’t going to be jumping with joy over a quick second pregnancy, but he bears some responsibility in the conception of this new child by not using a condom — as do you for not using any back-up contraception.

Your husband may be out of sorts for a bit, but keep calm and don’t swear at him. Children bring a lot of responsibility — but also a lot of love and enjoyment. Let him get used to the idea, without fighting.

Talk to your doctor about a healthy pregnancy for you and the new baby. You also need a plan with your doctor’s approval on how to handle things differently, so you don’t end up with 30 more pounds on top of the natural baby weight gain.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found substantial money in a wallet when I was out running, and gave it back to the owner with all his ID in it. He was flustered and happy, and didn’t offer me a reward, but he took my address and sent me a beautifully worded letter from his wife and him. I will keep it forever!

I showed it to my kids who were very impressed. I think it will encourage them to always be honest. I wasn’t tempted for one minute to keep the wallet with the money, simply because it wasn’t mine, and somebody would be very upset about losing their ID and credit cards.

— Just Sayin’, Fort Richmond

 

Dear Just Sayin’: Good on you! Imagine if you’d kept the money and wallet, and how you would have felt. The saying “honesty is its own reward” is true — for most people. Keeping any of that money would have meant you’d have guilt gnawing at you, over and over, as honesty is one of your core values. Great lesson for your kids!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.