Try to be gentle with parental/dental issue

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This article was published 22/06/2020 (2294 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom and dad want to have my pre-COVID-19 boyfriend of six months over for dinner. We live on the phone, and are falling in love. Even if he could, he doesn’t want to come because he got his two front teeth knocked out in a bar fight that he didn’t start, many months ago.

He was trying to help his friend who was getting beaten up, but he’s short and a lousy fighter himself. When he smiles, he looks like a six-year-old — kinda cute.

My parents have asked twice for me to invite him for a dinner get-together when coronavirus distancing stuff is all over and now they have suggested a picnic in the park.

I don’t have an answer from him, but I haven’t pushed him. The dentist he goes to costs a lot of money, and he hasn’t been able to see him anyway. I don’t know what to say. Got any ideas?

— Boyfriend’s Tooth Problem, West Kildonan

Dear Tooth Problem: You could say, “My parents have told me twice they’d like to meet you.” Then ask him how he feels about going to the park, and whether it’s necessary to wait for his new teeth. He might not care as much as you think.

To your parents, you might say: “He’d like to come but he’s having his two front teeth replaced and is shy about the gap.”

They’ll naturally ask what happened to his teeth, and you just tell the truth: “He was trying to help his friend out, and he isn’t a very good fighter.”

Meanwhile you can show mom and dad a photo of your new guy (with teeth from before the fight). Let your mom say hello and have a five-minute chat on the phone next time he calls in the daytime. The folks just want to know about this young mystery man who has had their daughter enthralled for half a year. Can you blame them?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is an idiot who secretly drinks. She had an affair years ago, and I forgave her. But I also changed my beliefs and protected myself by having occasional flings. I knew she would sneak off to see her affair guy and I was right. We have a lot of children together, so there was no point in breaking up and wrecking all their lives.

The thing is, our last one is ready to leave the nest and we’ll finally be free. We married very young, pregnant with the first child.

I would like my freedom soon, and the only thing that binds us is the kids who are between late teens and 25. I already have a girlfriend I’d like to be with and I have a suspicion my wife would like to be back with her affair guy, who is single again.

How do we work this?

— Time to Break Free, Fort Garry

Dear Break Free: You mean, how do we work this without hurting all the kids? It won’t happen. Explaining to the almost grown-up kids that there have always been other people will only mess with their minds.

What you need to do is break up like other people do: get a divorce.

Don’t over-explain anything except that you both wish to be free, as intimate things haven’t been good for a long time. You can reassure the kids you and their mom have remained friends and partners in raising them, but this the best you can do.

Then let them know you are going to be free now. They will NOT be OK with this, and will argue and express pain, disappointment and anger. That’s the cost of you two breaking up.

You might try some family counselling with the aim of brokering a peace — but NOT of getting you two back together. You stayed many years past being happily married, but now you want to be apart and have your freedom.

Send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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