Best for marriage to get it all in the open

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/08/2020 (2184 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and kids are at the lake, loving it. I am in town, working weekdays and enjoying my girlfriend from another city who’s “rooming” with me while she studies here and paying us some rent.

My husband is busy entertaining and caring for the kids at the cabin, with youngish moms on either side with their small families. It works. I doubt my husband has anything going on there because of the many eyes.

My problem? I’m bisexual and falling seriously in love with my girlfriend here. I don’t want the summer to end. I can’t give her up when she goes back to her town to teach. Things have gotten so emotional. Now what?

— Nervous Stomach, Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: The old song Fooled Around and Fell in Love comes to mind. Sometimes, when we are least guarded and just fooling around, we are at our most honest and natural. That can lead to love.

Be aware there can be more than one love in a lifetime and that sometimes it can happen at the same time. If you want to continue with this woman, you might try to negotiate an open marriage with your husband. If you’re lucky, he may have a romantic interest at the lake. Look, it’s also possible he’s been aware of what’s going on with you and this woman but is not saying anything.

People who have lived together closely for a long time can often see beyond what their mate is telling them. It’s in the tone, the ironic quirk of the lips, the lidded eyes, the fidgeting. There are often “tells” (as in poker) when people are trying to hide something.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have an overweight friend who insists on wearing a bikini to the beach. She’s at least 40 pounds overweight —with very large breasts, which she’s proud of. Plus, she’s not young anymore — almost 39.

She calls me a “skinny Minnie” and acts like she feels sorry for me because I “have no boobs.” I don’t wear bikinis anymore, because it’s not a good look unless you’re still an athlete. She’s not, let me tell you! I won’t get into the details here.

Every weekend we drive up to the beach and she chooses the location for our beach blanket, always among some rowdy young men who play sports in and out of the water. She says she likes “the sights” and “the action.”

I overhear their comments as we walk past. Last weekend, one idiot made an oinking sound, and they all laughed. I was mortified for her and for myself.

I know she had to hear them — yet it didn’t seem to bother her! Why not? Even if she wasn’t embarrassed, it was an embarrassing situation for me, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to be part of it.

I’m scared to get into a confrontational conversation with her and come off sounding like an old harpy — and lose our friendship. She’s my only single beach buddy. Our married friends are with their families on weekend.

I happen to know she does her online dating via “chubby chaser” apps, attracting guys who only want “curvy” women. She rarely talks about it. Do you think this is where she gets the confidence to walk the beach in a bikini? I find her somehow rude and embarrassing. If guys made fun of me as I walked by, I’d feel destroyed.

— Embarrassed Beach Buddy, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: She’s leading with her bosom, and may not see the rest of her own body the same way you and others do. The person who’s feeling worst in this beach scenario turns out to be you.

Tell your friend you won’t sit anywhere near groups of rude and rowdy guys at the beach anymore. You don’t have to say it’s because of the rude reactions she gets to her body in the bikini.

Just tell her you “can’t stand their presence” even if they’re a few blankets over. If she says she wants to have something to look at, tell her she’s made that choice all summer long! Now it’s your turn to choose where you sit.

She may drop you as a beach buddy, and that’s OK. It’d probably be a good thing for you to find someone who thinks and feels more like you do. Maybe your bikini buddy would enjoy the company of a friend who also likes to strut their stuff at the beach.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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