Slow-burn lover in it for the long haul

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/09/2020 (2212 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I married a comfortable old friend of mine after my passionate first marriage turned to dirt.

My first young husband had enough passion for two women. He was a former male dancer who was well-built, confident and handsome.

HIs “other woman” only came to light about a year after we married. She was jealous and tired of being a side dish, particularly after he married me in an expensive wedding with all our friends there.

She let herself get pregnant in the year after my wedding, and got in touch with me by phone. The whole thing exploded into a million jagged pieces with a quickie divorce.

Four years later, I married an attractive friend I could count on, and guess what? Passion ignited about the sixth month into the marriage. Funny how that turned out. Now we are madly, passionately in love, and he is rock solid. I know I will always be able to count on him.

So, I have that little hussy to thank for my wonderful husband. She’s welcome to the jerk she got — he still hasn’t married her, and they have a child.

— Thankful for My Good Man, East Kildonan

Dear Thankful: Sometimes, if you’ve been known to make exactly the wrong decision in relationship choices over and over again, it turns out to be a good idea to go against the grain, and choose the opposite type. Your new man might may not have been so exciting at the beginning of your journey together but it turns out he carried fireworks in the trunk!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the beginning of the summer I was introduced to a woman who had two children and a divorce, and is now declaring herself a lesbian. She is beautiful — looks like a mermaid. I soon developed a huge crush on her, and told her about it.

She put up her hand, and told me quite loudly she has refused to have a man in her love life since her marriage, and she really prefers women sexually. I asked her if she’d had a serious relationship with a woman yet, and she said no. I asked her to give my type of man a try — a nice, gentle guy who loves kids.

So far, she hasn’t given me anything except friendship. What do I do next? I know she just needs a really nice man, not a woman, and I could be that guy.

— Determined to Win Her, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Determined: Why do you continue to bark up this tree? She says she doesn’t want you, and she wants a woman as a lover. That should be enough. Look, you won’t even continue to have her as a friend if you don’t let go of this obsession to show her how wrong she is.

People know who and what they are attracted to — and you are not attractive to her. Take her word for it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: To the chap writing you about the sentiments of wedding bands (symbolic of the long journey of marriage), I agree with him wholeheartedly. My original band over the years had gotten out of shape and over-sized and should have been resized. Years ago, my wife and I dined out and while washing up in the lavatory, my ring slipped off with the paper towel.

At first, I didn’t notice it missing. I did look for it, but couldn’t find it. I had it replaced with a similar one, but it still does not replace the original!

—Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Your wife wouldn’t like to hear the initial ring meant that much more to you than the replacement wedding ring. It could symbolize the fact nothing can “lose you” from one another, that you will always be together. That’s just as meaningful.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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