COVID situation calls for kindness

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/11/2020 (1783 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Stupid me! I thought I had a great, new relationship going. Hah! We got together last February and we were over the moon with each other, so he moved in with me after COVID reared its ugly head, as it looked like the virus was going to stick around for a few months and we wanted to be in the same bubble.

A few nights ago, after making love, I was chatting on about how great our new relationship was — and he replied with a big, fat nothing. Not one word of agreement — except an unenthusiastic “uh-huh.” Then he rolled over with his back to me and went to sleep!

The next morning I was visibly upset. Still, he didn’t want to talk about our relationship then, or even the next day.

I realize this is a terrible time to break up with somebody. Lots of couples are hanging in there, so they won’t be alone. But now he’s cold as ice. I would never have let this silence pass in my past relationships.

He’s not happy living with me, is he? So, I have to say something. But what? I don’t want to be alone from now until COVID is finally over. Besides, I really need his half of the rent, as I’m now working half-time. Please help!

— Lonely “Roommate,” Downtown

Dear Alone: It’s your place, and he knows that fact all too well. If he complains about anything, he may be afraid he’ll get hoofed out. So, he’s making the understandable mistake of clamming up. He needs a place to live, and not to have to go looking elsewhere at this time. You might want to preface a heart-to-heart talk with, “I want you to know this is not a breakup talk; I just need to know what’s bugging you about living here, or about me, personally.”

It may come down to habits you two can fix, or issues in the house you can negotiate. He just needs to know that the minute he complains about anything, he’s not going to be kicked out of the house — with nowhere to go. If things become romantic again after the big discussion, so much the better. But, if not, you two might want to move into a friendship/roommate situation and be nice to each other. People need kindness and understanding more than ever, these days.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband started staying home when he retired last winter, and liked it. What a break for him! And then he got bored and decided to get off the sofa and get social. Now he has joined a bunch of online interest groups, he goes walking with our married son and he is giving driving lessons to our 26-year-old daughter who finally wants to drive.

Essentially, he’s doing nothing with me at all, and I’m lonely. I work in a big, empty office. I cook and I wash dishes. Last night I told him I wanted to “book time” with him because I’m the only one who doesn’t get to see him regularly. So he says, “But you still go to work, unlike me!”

Does he mean to tell me that because I work in an office building that I have a social life there (not!) and I don’t need time with him?

I asked him who he thought he was married to — his groups or me — and what marriage meant to him at this point. He looked at me, kind of startled, and said, “We’re together forever!” and I said, “Not if you’ve already checked out of my life. I don’t care where you live, but you sure aren’t interacting with me.” Now he’s all miffed and hardly talking to me. What should I do?

— Lonely Wife, West Kildonan

Dear Lonely Wife: These sad points come in some long-term relationships, when one person is taking their mate for granted. Then the message from the deserted one needs to be, “Hey! I love you and need you and miss you. What can we do about this? I feel like we’re drifting apart.” Then it’s not insulting. It’s a warning like, “There’s a hole in the boat — and the two of us need to patch it, together, and fast!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography