Best to give up on the ghost without getting in touch

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/12/2020 (2134 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a funny, sexy man online about a month ago, and I was dying to meet him, so I asked to set up a meeting at The Forks. He said, “No-go until COVID is over!” which I totally understood, but he fired it back at me so fast — in two seconds — that it felt suspicious. He didn’t soften it, with “I’d love to meet you sooner, but…”

Instinctively, I decided to do some checking, and luckily Winnipeg is a small place, with only a few degrees of separation. Six phone calls later, I found a friend of a friend who knew the guy well enough to know he’s married, though not happily, and has a number of kids.

I wrote him back with this new information, and he didn’t even reply. He totally ghosted me, as if he and I never said sweet things to each other or traded “romantic” photos online! OK, I’ll confess — sexy photos, wearing black masks.

I really want to tell him off, and have no way to do that besides showing up outside his work to have a word with him. He has been working at his office, and I know where it is. I also phoned their front desk and found out what time they close up.

What do you suggest I say? I really need some communication with him, before I can leave this. Ghosting me is so creepy.

— Weirded Out, Fort Rouge

Dear Weirded Out: It isn’t exactly “ghosting” when you’ve told someone what a jerk they’ve been and then they get lost. That is quite a normal reaction, and what the angry person usually wants.

Ghosting is when things are going along beautifully and the person suddenly disappears for no reason. If someone called you out for being a jerk, would you think you should call them again? No! Why do you need to talk to him now? It’s likely you want him to tell you he really did like you a lot, found you attractive and that he’s sorry he’s already married, or he’d certainly want to be with you. But that’s not what happened here.

Stop trying to make contact with this guy. He’s married, you caught him out, and it’s over for him — and hopefully over for you soon. It’s interesting that he already had a black mask at the ready. And who suggested the photo shoots? There’s a lot more to this story you haven’t told me.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been hiding my love for this neighbour woman for too long. She lives close to me and I volunteer to help her all the time, as she is alone and it isn’t easy for her to cut her grass, or clear the snow off her sidewalk and driveway. I am a shy man, though I have a good sense of humour that I often hide in female company. I like to show my feelings by doing good things for people. I take a long time to come out with any depth of my feeling for a woman, and I fear I may have blown it again!

I went over to her place today, because it’s getting cold and snowy, and told her I wanted to clear her sidewalks and driveway this winter with my new machine. She smiled and said, “That’d be great, but I have a man in my life now and he’s going to come over and do that stuff for me this winter.”

My heart dropped in my chest. I could just feel it. I felt faint, and told her I had to get going. She said, “You look a little pale. Would you like a glass of water.” I almost said, “No, that news felt like a pail of ice water over my head.”

Is it too late? I feel like I lost again. Should I say something to her, like, “If it doesn’t work out, you know my number”? But she might say, “Oh, I should really pay for a service.” I don’t think she has any idea how much I like her.

— Shy, Single Guy, River Heights

Dear Shy: She has a man at the moment, so there’s no point in trying to put your bid in now. But, if you notice this guy is not coming around anymore, and her yard and sidewalks need tending, hustle right over there in your new tuque and give her a freebie. She will no doubt come to the door and you can tell her it looks like she needs a hand.

Do try to be a little more flirtatious if you get a second chance at romance with her, and show her your sense of humour right off the hop.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography