Playboy hubby doesn’t deserve family Christmas

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This article was published 10/12/2020 (2128 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At the very worst time possible, my husband has announced he’s leaving me and the children — and he’s not running off to be alone. He has hooked up with another woman; I had to do all kinds of research to find out who it was.

I already knew her, because she works in the same firm with him. She was a woman I actually liked, and that makes the sneaking around doubly hurtful. 

Last night he told me over the phone they hadn’t slept together yet, as if that would make me feel better or make him more honourable. Anyway, he was lying, because I know him!

He referred to our “cold bedroom” and said he hoped I could find someone who was better for me in bed than him. What a joke.

Our bedroom went cold after I found out he had a sexual fling when we were engaged. It came out a year after we married.

Need I mention he’s very good-looking, funny and has a great career? No man should have been given so much — he thinks he can have whatever he wants with women, and he’s right.

I don’t want him back, but the kids are crying to have him back for Christmas. They think I must have shut him out. They don’t know it was his doing, and he doesn’t even want to come back to me. 

He never liked being married, with so many women still flirting with him — sometimes right in front of me. If I squeaked about it, he’d say, “You know I like you best!”

He stopped saying, “I love you” long ago, not long after the hoopla of the big wedding and our honeymoon. Then the babies came.

How do the kids and I find peace on earth in this hurtful holiday season? — Second Best, St. Boniface    

Dear Second Best: First of all, you’ll have to finally give up on this man. Let him go!

Right now, it sounds like you’re toying with trying to get him back “for the kids.”

He doesn’t want to come back and leave the new girlfriend. Note that he got his own apartment — he didn’t move in with her.

She may be the first of a number of women. He likes to be single and get around. His life is a drama again, and he’s the star. 

Try to visualize your next man — a grown-up who knows how to love and give of himself, and make a great life with a wife and kids.

For a laugh, give him a name when you talk to yourself about him, like Sir Galahad. Get yourself looking forward, instead of backward. 

If your parents want to give you a gift, ask them to help you buy some counselling sessions to build up your strength for a new future.

As for Christmas, the kids get two this year — one with you, and one with dad. Don’t have him over for the gift exchange and a family scene — finishing with your bitter tears in the bathroom.

The dream of the family dies hard, but this man has proved twice he’s just not husband material.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing for a group of girlfriends. Our friend had COVID-19 and sequestered herself so no one she knew would get it from her. The problem is she’s not coming out of hiding, like she feels ashamed!

We want to give her our love and company any way she wants it, but not to lose her. What should we do? — Loving Friends Who Miss Her, Southdale

Dear Loving Friends: She may feel she’s the pariah right now. Here’s how to let her know that’s not so: Make a formal plan to get the whole gang to take turns ringing up this cherished friend on visual programs like Zoom or Skype, where you can see each other.

Bring food and drink to the calls, and party together. Celebrate her returned health, and her continued part of this happy group of female compadres. Get her back in that fold!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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