Some seasonal sisterly joy could buck up brother

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/12/2020 (2101 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My brother has just given up his apartment and moved in with our mom. He’s understandably depressed. He lost his job, after being reassured there’d be no COVID layoffs. He’s in his 40s, and still single. My mom is in her early 60s and still working at a job she likes. He has no wife and kids to support, thankfully, but I can feel his emptiness and sadness when we talk on the phone. His work was everything to him.

I really want to do something special for him for Christmas this year, but mom and him form a household of two, and my husband and kids are not allowed over there to visit. Any suggestions for something I could do, without going inside? Maybe some gift ideas for someone feeling down?

What do you think of this crazy idea? Both my mom and my brother love cats, and my mom has always had two, but her two old kitties died within months of each other, last spring. I know where there are a batch of fall kittens, ready to go to homes. If my mom said yes, do you think that’d help my brother? He loves cats, too. He could help look after them.

— Loving Sister, West Kildonan

Dear Loving Sister: If your mom is up for this, then it could be a lovely Christmas (and after) experience. Your brother could help mom look after them. Happy kittens — if they are welcomed— could be a wonderful distraction for your brother. Kittens are not depressed!  They’d be playful, funny and affectionate, and not a bit concerned he doesn’t have a job and has to stay home with them. They’ll scramble up on the couch or the bed to get to him and cuddle. And purring, science tells us, has a happy, calming effect on people. So ask your mom ASAP, and perhaps get the deed done in time for Christmas.

Also start doing some pre-Christmas drive-bys — bringing Christmas foods, treats and gifts at different times. Singing, no matter how off-tune, or blaring music from the car stereo when you arrive would amp up the positive mood at their house. Honk like mad, yell Merry Christmas from the car, and leave your gifts at the end of the driveway.

Look, there may be nothing you can do about your brother’s former job, but start asking around and find people you know who might need somebody to work.  Also, talk to your bro about “interim work” that has nothing to do with his old career, like snow-blowing peoples’ sidewalks and driveways or delivering pizzas. People who have lost their beloved jobs need something to keep them busy and physically active!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My younger girlfriend is moving to Vancouver in the new year. Her family decided to move back (they’re originally from there) after her dad got laid off here. He found another job back home working with friends. She’s in her early 20s, has decent work and could easily stay in Winnipeg, but has decided to go with them.

I had asked her to move in with me, and she said no. I don’t get it! We have something amazing together, and she wants to throw it all away. It’s been just about six months since we started dating. I’m crazy about her. She insists this isn’t going to be a breakup. Right! Is it possible she doesn’t feel the same way? Is a long-distance relationship worth it? I can barely concentrate and it’s almost Christmas. Needing Help.

— Her Messed-Up Boyfriend, Fort Richmond

Dear Messed Up: There’s a big difference in maturity between people in their early 20s and those around 30. It’s not surprising she doesn’t want her parents to leave her behind, as she’s been with them forever. You, on the other hand, are independent, have your own place and are mature enough to get married and start a family, if you wanted to.

Don’t jump the gun and break up with her before she leaves. If this thing isn’t meant to be, the long-distance aspect will help it die out naturally. After she’s moved, you will miss her at first, and then just miss having somebody in your love life — for company, fun, sex and, who knows, maybe a big love that works out!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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