Let sister live her own love life, leave mother out of it

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This article was published 21/02/2021 (2053 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m the only guy in our family, and I’m turning 21 this year. My sister is 17 and has a girlfriend. They’re involved romantically, but haven’t told my mother, who thinks they’re just best buddies.

These lovers are in a COVID bubble and do everything together. They even sleep together, with mom’s permission.

My mother hasn’t a clue about the sexual stuff. She thinks it’s “kinda cute” that they have sleepovers all the time, just like she used to have with her young friends back in junior high.

My mother would lose her cool if she knew, as I do, they were actually falling in love, and sexual.

My sister is ultra-feminine in her dressing with lots of makeup and jewelry, and her girlfriend is all natural, wearing denims, T-shirts and boots.

I get it, but my mother says dumb things to my sister like, “Don’t you think you should go more casual to your friend’s house? You don’t have to always dress like you’re going to a party.” Mom doesn’t see the girly get-up is a turn on in their relationship.

Should I set my mom straight about the real nature of my sister’s relationship?

— Her Son, south Winnipeg

Dear Son: In a word — no! Why would you want to ruin things for these two young lovers? And that’s what might happen if Mama got “wised up.” Just let it go, and mind your own love life.

Just be supportive to your sister and her lover. There will come a time when you may need your sister’s support, after a breakup, a lost job, or the pain of unrequited love.

Then you’ll need a sibling you never threw under the bus.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I bought an old cabin at a lake during start of more serious COVID times, and we started working on tearing down the insides.

Then when we got to the cold snap after Christmas, he started going up there alone, as I can’t stand how cold it is in that place, even with heaters!

When it got super-cold recently, he started staying home on the weekends with me. There were suddenly a lot of phone calls on his cell — and he’d take them in the bathroom or out in the car.

Something was weird! So, I put my ear to the bathroom door and he was saying to someone, “Don’t worry. We can go back up to the lake as soon as the weather breaks.” It seemed like he was talking to a woman, so I asked him if he was! He then spent half an hour telling me how much he loves me and how he would die without my love. He didn’t deny he was talking to a woman, however.

Since then, he hasn’t had any more phone calls and there’s no talk of going to the lake. If this was an almost-affair and I stopped it, would I be wise to just keep my mouth shut now?

— Debating My Move, North Kildonan

Dear Debating: Are you the kind of person who can park something and leave it? Or, are you the type who will be driven crazy trying to bury what you think may have happened?

Schedule some phone appointments with a therapist, or talk to the wisest person you know, and try to figure this out.

It sounds like you scared your husband out of “going up to the lake” at least for now. But who knows if that 30-minute profession of love was a sudden realization, or the best defensive move he could think of with his back against the wall.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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