Let mother be a neighbour, rather than a roomie

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This article was published 20/03/2021 (2032 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother left her no-good drunk of a second husband and arrived at my place with her suitcases. She took it for granted her only son would take her in, and my wife and I did, of course.

We have a three-bedroom bungalow with family room downstairs, plus bedroom and bath. She asked to stay for a week or two downstairs. I agreed, thinking she’d go back to her husband after they made up. That was a month ago. She loves it here — loves the grandchildren, my sweet wife and our nicely decorated home.

Yesterday, she floated a big hint. She mentioned how nice it’ll be to swim in our new pool in June. Miss L., I don’t want her here by June. I don’t want longer than it takes her to find an apartment, but she isn’t even looking!

She gets on my nerves and there’s no privacy for us. Plus, she interferes in discipline for the boys, who are little hellions, just like I was. I put them in their rooms on a time out, and they call for Gramma to rescue them.

How can I throw her out on her keister when I’m the only one voting to get rid of her? Even my wife likes her because Mom loves to cook and do laundry. By the way, Mom has pots of money left to her by my dad who obligingly died in middle age and left her well-to-do. Please help!

— Mr. Bad Guy, Windsor Park

Dear Mr. Bad Guy: You need to help Gramma move out to her own place — just a few blocks away. To please everybody, you need to go looking for a house/condo or fancy apartment (with pool) near your place — and persuade your mother to buy into the idea.

The kids will end up having sleepovers at her place, and she’ll drop off food and come to dinner at your place — it will be fun for everyone. To get Mom primed for a move, ask her: “How can my darling wife and I consider making another grandchild with my mother living under this roof? It makes a guy nervous!”

She’ll probably laugh, but she’ll get the point — and she’ll like the idea of you wanting her to live close by.

In the small town where I grew up, lots of lucky kids had their grandparents living five to 10 minutes away in their own places. If you were making yourself unpopular at home that day, you could go over to grandma’s and get properly spoiled for a few hours, and maybe stay overnight!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband I have been staying at home eating, and both have gained COVID bellies. Last week my husband, the former athlete, brought home new scales to find out the extent of the damage.

He and I were both horrified! Between us, we’d gained the weight of our Labrador dog. We looked at each other and laughed… and then I kind of cried. So now we’re seven days in on different diets, plus exercising, but he’s being a real show-off about it. “Lost a pound a day!” he hollered from the bathroom last night.

I don’t want to crash diet and exercise like some kind of nut, but that’s what he’s doing. I told him, “It’s unhealthy to lose weight that way!” and he said, “It’s unhealthy to have a big gut.” I thought this project would bring us closer, but it’s pushing us apart. I love him, but sometimes I just hate him, you know? What should I do?

— Not Feeling the Love, St. Norbert

Dear Not Feeling It: You need to “agree to disagree” and do things in your own style and in your own time. If you can’t do it alone, find a female pal who also wants to shape up. It’s worth doing, but not in a competition with an athletic type who has an annoying desire to compete and “get ’er done” fast!

In a nicer voice than you feel right now, say you’re not up for a speedy weight-loss regime, but you wish him well, doing it any other way he sees fit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I once did something I regret with my husband’s out-of-town brother — just one drunken kiss before our wedding five years ago. His brother has just moved back to the city and my husband invited him over for dinner.

He’s back in Winnipeg after his own marriage broke up — no surprise.

I thought, “Let bygones be bygones” in my stupid head. But over dinner, his brother asked me to pass him something, and looked right at me and winked. There’s nothing wink-worthy about passing the potatoes.

I pretended not to notice, but he later offered to help with the clearing up, and my God if he didn’t find an excuse to come up behind me in the kitchen and stroke my shoulder. I said, “Get your hands off me, make any excuse and go home!” I am sick about this. What can I do?

— Paying For Past Sin? Westwood

Dear Paying: Tell him this: “If you ever make another move, I will get you off my back by telling your brother about that kiss before the wedding, and what you did recently. Your brother will be hurt and possibly angry, and I can guarantee he will come after you — and you may lose a brother over it!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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