Father should step in to get chip off surly son’s shoulder

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/04/2021 (2010 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can’t stand my child. He is 17 and has turned from a sweet boy into a jerk over an 18-month period. He’s bitter about school and about losing his “normal” life with friends, teachers, sports coaches events and parties.

I don’t even recognize him. He’s mean to the younger kids in our family, and hates doing school work. He used to get As, but not anymore. He curses like a sailor right in front of me when his dad is not around. I’ve tried to talk to him and he just slams his door.

His girlfriend dumped him recently, and it’s no wonder. I’m tearing my hair out. Where did my son go? It’s like he took a left turn on Ugly Street and isn’t coming back. My husband doesn’t see the problem because this kid saves his ugliness for when his father’s not at home.

— Very Upset Mother, rural Manitoba

Dear Upset: It’s time your husband — the only person your son seems to respect — steps in and acts. It’s not enough for him to just listen to your complaint about the son you share; Dad has to hear it himself and get really involved.

If he finds it convenient not to believe you, or to act as if you’re overstating the case, get proof like a recording of your son talking back to you, cursing, slamming doors and being nasty to his siblings — in other words, being the new guy he is when Dad is away and it’s safe to bully the family.

The school guidance counsellor or a close teacher may be able to help you. There are a lot of “kids” in senior grades who had a pretty nice life before COVID. Now they feel they were cheated out of a normal end of high school and the free and happy times they envisioned before the virus arrived.

The breakup with his girlfriend probably intensified his anger and depression. Don’t be shy to make a fuss and get to the bottom of this. It’s far less dangerous than leaving a depressed and angry teen alone for too long.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work in a place that has to be staffed all the time throughout the pandemic, and people work long hours. I don’t know how to put this, but some people who shouldn’t be together have gotten too cosy. They are either married or involved as a couple outside our close working environment.

It’s been tough! Some people have needed close, personal conversations with those who are totally worn-out and ready to blow a gasket. I’m not really critical of that, because I have participated in it myself. I know how a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek, can turn into a passionate clinch just because you’re so full of adrenalin.

I suspect this is a bit like wartime, and maybe what happens in the workplace should stay in the workplace. However, there are married people here whose noses are out of joint because they have never lost their cool with someone else, or even been attracted to anyone other than their mate at home.

Are there different rules for these times? How long can people be expected to work and work without accepting some affection from a co-worker who is also down in the trenches? Can there be…

— Two Worlds For Now? Winnipeg

Dear Two Worlds: There’s the way things ought to be and the way things actually end up in dire circumstances. You and your co-workers have been under tremendous pressure over a long period.

People can crack or break and might reach out to a work pal. Or someone leads them to a private place and talks to them, or even holds them. They can end up being close.

My feeling is people should mind their own business in extreme times and not make judgements. Don’t lend an ear to those who do, and try to behave yourself. I sensed the guilt in your letter, and guilt is a lousy feeling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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