Be proactive and resolute with family plan

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This article was published 16/04/2021 (2007 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  Two days ago I found out I’m not pregnant again, which was a big relief for me! We just had a baby in the last year, and the little fellow doesn’t sleep well at night. He is a real handful.

Sometimes I feel like the walking dead. My husband sleeps so deeply nothing can wake him. I’m up alone with the baby, breastfeeding and putting him back to sleep two times a night and again in the morning.

As a result of this pregnancy scare, I feel turned off sex and have been scooting away across the king-size bed. My husband is frustrated and upset with me.

I’d like to make love with him, but I just can’t get pregnant again right now, or I’d lose my mind and my health.

My husband loves our baby boy — he’s a dead ringer for Daddy. My guy would like us to have another ASAP so the baby would have a “playmate for life.”

Cute idea. But my husband doesn’t get up with this first baby and won’t be able to wake up for a second one either. Please help! — New Mom Under Siege, Selkirk

Dear New Mom: You’re not a brood mare; and you need a break from pregnancies. You’re afraid to disappoint your husband, but you must speak up for yourself now.

Men hate guessing when a woman goes quiet and distances herself, so tell him the reason you don’t want sex with him right now is you are scared. You don’t share his dream to have two babies, so close together. You can’t and won’t do it.

Meanwhile talk to your doctor about good birth control (don’t put your husband in charge of condoms). Go off the birth control only when you’re physically strong and emotionally ready. Let him know when (and if) you’ll be ready to have the second child.

Make this clear to your man: You need to be healthy and happy to be a good mom and a happy, affectionate partner.

And he needs to install a new baby dream in his head — like giving son No. 1 the best first few years of life for a running start in this unpredictable world.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend’s family thinks they’re funny. Actually, they just pick on people and make fun of them.

At my first weekly Sunday dinner two weeks ago, I accidentally burped at dinner, because it was so spicy. I tried to smother it and sounded like a bullfrog croaking — and everybody heard it. I got a big round of applause.

The next week I was there again, and his brother said to me: “Well, have you got another trick for us tonight?” I went red — just what he wanted. Everybody laughed at me and talked about the week before all over again.

I was very careful all through the dinner, eating small bites so there wouldn’t be a possibility of a belch. I don’t want to eat dinner there again.

My boyfriend has apologized for his family, but says they’re not likely to change and I should loosen up and join the fun.

I don’t like people who get laughs out of embarrassing each other. I’m 18. What should I do? — Laughed at by His Family, Norwood

Dear Laughed At: You’re not likely to marry the guy you’re dating at 18, so it’s not necessary to please his family by going to all these Sunday dinners.

Tell him in a casual voice that you’ll be skipping these weekly get-togethers, except for big occasions like birthdays or holidays.

Then let him know you’ll be happy to take part in fun activities with him on Sunday afternoons. Be specific and name a few — like biking, going to the zoo, playing tennis or hiking. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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