Bring some passion to romantic rhyme game

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/04/2021 (2005 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  My charming lady friend, who is in her 40s, has recently decided she’s some kind of romantic poet.

She has started leaving lines of her poetry on flowery little notepaper in my pants pockets for me to find after I leave her place.

Later she wants me to tell her when I discovered them, and tell her what I thought of them.

Her poetry leaves me cold. How can I tell her I’d rather have raunchy suggestions of what she’d like to do to me, or vice versa, instead of hearts and flowers?

I say nothing because she would be hurt and/or disgusted that I don’t value her works of art and would prefer sexual stuff.

I must say she’s a very sexy, imaginative lover! — Her Younger Man, Osborne Village

Dear Younger Man: Can you possibly combine romance and sex in a little note with a suggestion of what you’d like to do with her? If you do it right — and aren’t just crude about it — she might find the new and bolder game fun.

If you can’t come up with original stuff, you can find it online by searching for erotic poetry and give her a line or two of the best from famous writers.

Please be honest enough to name them, or it won’t look good on you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend has told me many tales of how difficult his family is — feuding and drinking problems galore. But, they live in Toronto, and he has a job here now, so I didn’t think I’d have to deal with them.

Last weekend he said he loved me, and could imagine a life with me. But, his big dream is to move back to Toronto with his company, on a higher rung of his corporate ladder.

I didn’t say anything back, and it was a long, awkward silence. Finally, I squeaked out: “It’s too soon!” and he relaxed. He’s competitive at work and he likes a little chase with a woman.

I can’t imagine life with his family nearby. He calls his witch of a mother Griselda. So that would be my mother-in-law and the kids’ grandmother?

I’d have no friends at first, except for him. My friends and family are here in Winnipeg and I love them dearly.

I’m crazy about him one-on-one, and he’s wonderful in bed, but I don’t like the sound of what a future would hold with him.

I don’t want to give him up right now. Would it be fair to keep going out with him until he goes back there? I know he will take a promotion as soon as it’s possible. — Scared of His Toronto Family, North Kildonan

Dear Scared: For you, this is a bit like meeting a man from another country, who’s a dreamy lover, but whose culture is foreign to you and the family dynamics are frightening.

This guy has unknowingly warned you against the people in his world back home. Take heed!

Don’t lead him on, letting him think his feelings can grow and yours will too, and he can then marry you and sweep you off to Ontario. It’s totally unfair to use this man while he’s here in Winnipeg.

He’s developing deep feelings for you, compounded by the fact he doesn’t know many other people here.

When he knows the score with you, he’ll have to stop concentrating on you and extend himself to other people.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my boyfriend’s gourmet cooking. It’s way too spicy and he won’t listen to my suggestions to cool it down.

Last night I had to head home fast in my car because his latest culinary invention made me sick in an embarrassing way.

I don’t want to discourage him, because this is his first apartment away from home and he’s eager to try out all kinds of recipes, plus the things he makes up (yech).

One day he hopes to be a famous chef. Maybe we’re not suited because I like my own plain cooking better. At least it doesn’t make me sick. Help! — Can’t Handle It, St. Boniface

Dear Handle It: From now on, cook together. You could bring over ingredients to make a dish you’d be able to handle and he’d enjoy, too. He can make his crazy hot-spiced dishes if he wants.

Tell him honestly you think they look great, but your tummy can’t handle “red-hot” ones.

He may be miffed, but too bad for him! If he’s too insensitive to care about how you feel physically, he’s not caring enough about you emotionally.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.