It’s best you back off from both brothers, pronto

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This article was published 07/06/2021 (1889 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend’s brother came back from college in Ontario, and he’s living at home during COVID.

He is, unfortunately, much better-looking than his younger brother — the one I’m dating. Big Bro has been looking at me and smiling and I’ve been trying not to drool.

Last night my boyfriend asked me if I’m attracted to his brother, and I lied through my teeth and said no. What should I do?

— Torn Between Two Bros, St. James

Dear Torn: Back off both brothers! You wouldn’t be drooling over the older brother if you were in love with the younger one. Their deep relationship as brothers is far more important than your little romance, in the long run. You don’t want to be the cause of two brothers hating one another.

If the older one calls you, be short and polite, and hang up. You won’t have lost a lot over this. The brothers will stay friendly and your present boyfriend will be free to pursue someone who really loves him and isn’t swayed by his older brother’s hot looks. You could do your present boyfriend’s self-image a lot of harm by dumping him for his big handsome brother.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister in high school was trying to get in with the badass kids at our school, but COVID hit. So, she has gone to her phone and computer to stay in touch with that older group. I can sometimes hear her talking in bed through the thin wall we share.

Last night I heard her promising a guy from a gang some sex action she’d better not deliver, or she could end up pregnant!

Should I tell our mother? Mom’s tough herself, and has been known to slap faces when she’s mad — like so hard, your head spins around. I’m not sure it’d stop my sister anyway. Still, I wouldn’t put it past my mom to phone the guy and threaten to put him in jail. He drives a motorcycle and he’s a few years older. I’ve seen him when he comes by, and mom’s at work. And, what about my safety if I tell?

— Younger But Smarter Sister, Winnipeg

Dear Younger But Smarter: Top priority — your sister doesn’t need a teen pregnancy! The recent phone call and sexual promises she’s making are sounding alarm bells. Tell her outright you can hear her loud voice and her side of the hot conversations through the wall, without even trying.

Tell her you heard what she’s been promising her boyfriend sexually and ask her if she has her own effective birth control and back up for it. Suggest she contact the Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org) about getting some birth control she can count on. Then she’s not just “wishin’ and hopin’” her boyfriend will bring a condom — which he might not want to wear, anyway.

If she acts like she won’t listen to you, and is just counting on doing it during a “safe” time of month, tell your mom. This is serious stuff; it may be a lucky thing you overheard this plan — but don’t expect any thanks!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You’re absolutely correct when you said to Living a Sham (the woman with the alcoholic husband): “Your husband may tell you he’s going to take the cure and win you back, but you’ll have to come back to him first, because he can’t do it without you.”

Alcoholism is a crazy-making, “not merry-making.” My dad was kind of like that alcoholic husband, though he kept his job (because his employer knew he had a number of children). He was on-and-off drinking for many years and went to Alcoholics Anonymous. But, later in life after we kids became adults, he didn’t curb his drinking anymore. He seemed to be happy while he was intoxicated, singing and dancing — but solemn and reserved when he wasn’t drinking.

Some of my siblings also became alcoholics, but were able to drag themselves “out of that hole” and became better parents. Alcoholism takes a terrible toll on a family. I’m fortunate my siblings became aware, and are now better grandparents.

— Seen It All, Winnipeg

Dear Seen It All: When an alcoholic is jolly and personable while drinking, but solemn and reserved when he’s not, it gives an ominous meaning to the word “sober.” Small wonder some of your siblings wanted to “join the party” — they saw their dad having fun when he drank, but too late found out you can fall into the pit of addiction that accompanies it. Luckily, your siblings were able to see the light and drag themselves out — no doubt with some help.

It’s a huge trap for the non-alcoholic spouse who feels he or she must remain with their spouse for the sobriety to happen, and then it so often doesn’t. The drinker just isn’t desperate enough. If only the non-drinking mates had enough money and resources to leave their alcoholic partner, the chances would be higher.

Some non-drinkers stay and just give up on changing their alcoholic mate and start drinking as well, starting with the acceptable “happy hour” drink. That drinking leads to more drinks, delayed dinners and very little family time with the kids in the evening. And the kids can just forget their parents coming to their games, performances or school functions. It’s a very sad situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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