Consult ‘cat whisperer’ before packing up

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This article was published 13/06/2021 (1883 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: COVID got the best of us, so I ended up moving in with my best friend, who is also a woman. We both have cats who are like children to us.

Unfortunately, most cats don’t like other cats who aren’t litter mates and ours are no exception. They fight constantly. It’s been months and the wrestling and biting haven’t slowed down. We tried pheromones and did the proper introductions over the course of weeks, but they still ended up fighting like crazy.

It’s obvious they aren’t going to improve and it’s weighing heavily on our friendship. Neither of us will give up our baby and neither of us wants to move apart.

Should I just give in and move out? I’m at a loss. I will never give up on this creature I love, and I don’t expect her to either. It’s so unfair. I wish they could just get along.

Any advice you have is welcome. We’re all out of ideas.

— Cat-astrophe, St. James

Dear Cat-Astrophe: Veterinarian James Broughton at Exclusively Cats would be a good bet for behavioural help. He knows the brains and hearts of cats and is a good teacher with pet owners.

It’s really worth tapping into expert knowledge. I once talked to a cat expert at a local pet store about my old cat who wouldn’t accept a new kitten in the house and was suddenly hiding under a pile of lumber in the basement most of the time.

The young “cat lady” cleared up the problem with a one-time therapy technique. It was to sit down with the old cat on one side and the kitten on the other. I was to stroke them both at the very same time, again and again, while repeating in a comforting voice “I love you both,” like a litany. They calmed down visibly after a few minutes of this, and walked off. They were never really crazy about each other, but they were at peace knowing they were both loved and equally close to me, and didn’t fight anymore.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my 50s and feeling very lonely. My wife has been gone for four years and while I have a wonderful family, my home life is deathly quiet. I know dating isn’t wise at this point, but will be soon, when COVID is under control.

I know the best way to get started is online. But, I feel like if I start dating again, it’d hurt my kids (who have children of their own now). You know how children of any age can be. Even if they are in their 30s, they still act like they did as kids!

How could I approach the subject of dating in a way that wouldn’t hurt their feelings? It has been quite some time since their mother passed. I want to get on with my life!

— Widowed Dad, Crescentwood

Dear Widowed Dad: Why do you have to clear your dating desire with the kids? Did they ask for your permission when they started dating? No! And for good reason — the dating world is crazy at any age. What if somebody hurts your feelings, rejects you, is after your money or just wants you for sex? Your kids don’t need to be thinking about this!

So, get busy online and find some women you’re interested in meeting when it’s safe to do so. We’re not talking about just one possibility. You’re going shopping, mister, and you need to start meeting a number of lady friends and at least get talking to them by phone or virtually.

Have fun with it, but make it your little secret from the “kids.” Your private life only needs to be revealed to the people you want to know, not to adult children who can be nosy, worried, bossy and protective.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I literally ran bang into an old boyfriend’s grocery cart at the store. He had the brightest green eyes and red hair — I couldn’t miss him. He was wearing jean shorts and a muscle shirt, looking way too good for an old boyfriend. They’re supposed to go to seed, aren’t they? Not this guy.

He used to be chubby, but now he’s Mr. Muscle Guy. I was always after him to stop eating junk food and drinking beer, and to start working out. I guess he took my advice after I broke it off with him.

I asked him how he was doing and he said: “I’m engaged!” and I muttered, “Good for you.” He never wanted to be engaged to me and we attended all his best friends’ weddings together — it got painful.

So, I bashed into the fruit display, got straightened out and kept on shopping. I was praying I wouldn’t see him at the check-out. But there he was, large as life and twice as lovely.

Why didn’t he do that for me? Why did he waste years of my life? Why is he hot and muscled now, and I’m out of shape during COVID? Please help.

— Upset and Depressed, Grant Park

Dear Depressed: Don’t regret the loss of a guy who took you to years of his friends’ weddings, but wasn’t into actually marrying you. Think positive. You eliminated a loser in the race for your heart!

Now it’s time to take your own advice and start working off the extra weight, as we all push to the finish line of this pandemic.

There’s nothing stopping you from an outdoor walking regimen that will elevate your mood, regain muscle and eliminate weight. This early summer is the time for it.

If your newly fit ex-boyfriend can do it, so can you. Once you’re feeling strong and sexy, it’ll be just the time to seriously look for a new guy. Don’t look backward anymore; look forward to the happier new you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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