Don’t let text-speak scuttle real connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/06/2021 (1887 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found a guy I really like on Tinder and he’s everything I want in a man, except he texts like this: “how u doin,” “sup,” “y is that.” I don’t consider myself snooty, but he only speaks English, so the least he could do is speak it properly!

It feels like talking to a teenager, and we’re in our 30s. He’s thoughtful, kind, caring, gorgeous — and other amazing things I don’t want to share publicly. But I’m struggling to get over the fact I feel like I’m talking to a child when we message each other. Help! —Babe, Not “bb,” West End

Dear Babe: Since he’s so many wonderful things, ask him to write you in full words, because you find them more romantic and sexy. Whatever you do, don’t make him feel like an awkward teenager. That’s a fast way to lose a man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I recently bought a house together, and after moving in and getting settled, I brought up the subject of getting a dog. My partner and I are “child-free,” and I’ve wanted a dog since I was a kid, but could never get one because I’ve always lived in apartments — even with my single mother.

Now, my girlfriend is pooh-poohing the idea. She doesn’t want the responsibility, the mess or the expense. I don’t want to break up with her over this, but she’s not budging. Neither of us has allergies and it is one of the biggest reasons I wanted to get a house. How can I get her to come around?

— Excited to be in the Doghouse! Crescentwood

Dear Excited: Having children and having dogs aren’t quite the same, but both are a big responsibility and need to be discussed with housemates ahead of time, even a girlfriend.

What you might be able to do (to see if your live-in love could get used to having a dog) is to do some dog-sitting for friends this summer at your place while they go away for short trips.

Sometimes, if a dog-averse person has been scared by a big canine, the size of the dog is important. There’s a whole world of dogs with different natures, fur types and sizes, so there’s a chance you two could find one she actually likes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been married for five years to one of the nicest men around. I fell in love with him because he was someone I felt safe with, who wanted to keep me happy. In the last few months he has shown me another side. He has been drinking heavily and becomes someone I don’t recognize. He’s been verbally and physically abusive with me.

When I tried to leave, he said, “You have nowhere to go, and who would want someone like you?” When the alcohol wore off, I approached him to ask what happened to make him behave the way he has. He had no response — other than he wanted a divorce!

I phoned a good friend who works with him and begged her to tell me what’s going on with him at work. She hinted at this well-known flirt in the office, who’s known for getting around with guys there.

I checked out his computer last night. He’s been talking to her and flirting with her online for months — and drinking over at her place. My question is this: Is it possible the drunk, verbally and physically abusive man I see now is the man he truly is?

I’m extremely confused and keep looking for the man I love to come back. Would it be possible to…

— Turn Back the Clock? Fort Richmond

Dear Turn Back: These aspects — the good and the nasty — are part of the same man. The bad side is activated by guilt and alcohol, but it’s all part of who he is fundamentally. Seeing you reminds him of what a dishonest jerk he’s being behind your back; the liquor helps him express his dark side.

You say he’s been verbally and physically abusive — time to go! The marriage is over, and he has another woman. Don’t stay to try to win him back. That will only make him guiltier and nastier.

Your husband has asked for a divorce because he’s finished and he wants out. Call your own lawyer, not one you share with him, and get out of there — or perhaps your husband will leave and go to her place. If he does, change the locks while you look for a new place.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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