Role reversal could mean happier household

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/06/2021 (1880 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband recently quit his job in a whirlwind of anger. This isn’t the first time! He had no resumés out when he just up and quit. His reason for leaving was: “They treat me like an idiot!” It turns out he acts like an idiot. This last time, the boss questioned some work he did and asked him to re-do it. My husband told him to stuff it you-know-where.

I know my man’s far from perfect, but at home he’s never like that. He never gets mad at me or the kids (two rambunctious preschoolers) and he’s often a playful teddy bear — a natural with young family.

He just puts us in a tough spot by blowing his top and losing jobs he doesn’t like (or he isn’t suited for). His education stopped at Grade 10, as he was severely dyslexic. I’m not sure what career would actually suit him.

Bottom line: I’m really angry with him right now! I work a half-time job at home in the evenings, and do most of the work with the children during the day. We need his salary to keep striving for the upper middle-class lifestyle he wants, like he had with his parents. I don’t need that, and the kids don’t need it, either.

Also, I’m very good with co-workers in my line of work, and my career pays well. How can I get it through my guy’s head that he can’t just quit jobs anytime he wants? We have kids, dogs, cars and a mortgage.

— Wife of a Beloved Hothead, East Kildonan

Dear Wife: Since you do well at work, and your husband is his best lovable self at home, how about switching roles as an experiment? You become the main money-earner, and he looks after the kids and dogs and can take them on adventures. What kids wouldn’t love a dad like that? You’d need to be smart to sell this idea to him and even smarter to make it work well, but it might just be fine to trade roles — even for a pre-determined time of two to three years until the kids reach school age.

You can start off shooting for a middle-class lifestyle on your salary, and your husband can (secretly, one hopes) blame the lack of big-ticket leisure items on your decision to be the breadwinner. That may mean a backyard kiddie pool instead of an in-ground. Still fun in hot weather! Convince Big Daddy to dial down the lifestyle goals for now, and point out how much fun you’ll be having as a family unit.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve worked sales jobs for most of my 20s, and it has taken a serious toll on my self-esteem. I’m not a natural salesman, but it’s all I know how to do. I feel like Mr. Mediocre. I’m at a point where I truly don’t believe I’ll ever be good enough to attract a woman.

I have little to offer beyond my anxiety! Seriously, my sales numbers are so low it feels like as soon as I get paid, all my money is gone and I’m anxious again until the next paycheque. I want to turn things around in, because I want to feel proud of myself and meet someone who’ll love me.

I realize I need different training but I can’t afford to pay for school and stop working. What can I do? This is not what I was meant to be. I prefer technical stuff, but I have zilch training.

— Feeling Like a Big Loser, West End

Dear Feeing: Many people go back to school as adults with student loans and part-time jobs — and you have the added luck of being single with no kids to support.

Be aware! Chances of meeting the love of your life go way up by going to back to school or entering a training program that turns you on. Countless people have made a total life turn-around by finally going after something they really want.

Why? The happiness and enthusiasm has made them a more exciting person in the process. Other people in your classes or training sessions will share the same curiosities and interests as you. These are finally your kind of people! And, when you’re excited by what you’re doing and learning, it’s attractive to others around you.

Don’t be afraid to follow what others might consider a “pipe dream.” Certainly, don’t ask for the advice of security-minded friends or parents. Luckily, you don’t have a partner or family to support, so all you have to do is find your own learning and skills path.

First, find out what the technical colleges have to offer this fall, and look at universities, too. Once you find something that really captures your interest, figure out what you’ll need financially and seek out the loans and bursaries available to you. Yes, you’ll probably need a part-time job to pay for your little place and food but you’ll hardly ever be there, except to study and sleep. Good luck in your life adventure and get started ASAP with research!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography