Best bet to move on, leave body critic behind

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/06/2021 (1888 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to the beach with my new sweetheart and was very happy to be there in my bathing suit with him, even though I’m in my 60s. I wasn’t feeling at all inhibited! After all, we do make love together in our birthday suits!

As I was walking away from the blanket to go in the water, I could feel his eyes boring into me. When I came back, he said, “Did you know your legs jiggle at the back?” I couldn’t believe my ears!

Miss L., my dearly-departed husband would never have said anything like that! If I ever criticized my own body, he shushed me quickly and told me he loved very single cell of me, so I told this story to my new man.

He laughed in my face. Then I stood up and suggested we drive home, instead of swimming. It was a quiet ride. When I got out, I said, “Don’t bother walking me to the door. This is goodbye!”

I walked into the house, winked at my husband’s photo, and said, “Thanks!”

I will find a new man, because life is too short to waste, but I’m glad I have my heavenly husband to guide me in the search. What do you think?

— Merry Widow, Crescentwood

Dear Merry: This guy was just lucky you didn’t sling back a comment about one of his physical imperfections — as most people would! — but you’re above that. Congratulations! You’re in full flower again — lots of confidence and some guidance coming from the good things your husband taught you.

A winner is waiting for you down the road, so anything less is best left behind, quickly.

It’s a good policy to look for a partner’s attractive attributes and remark on those. After all, that’s why you’re dating again — you’re mining for more gold, not fool’s gold.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for “Don’t Want Her to Die,” the husband with the wife who purposely burns herself in the sun to get a good start on a tan. She claims melanoma is a myth. (Miss L. suggested he buy his wife a safe supply of rub-on fake tan towelettes.)

My husband and I vacationed in Puerto Vallarta for many winters. He loved to lie in the sun and feel the warmth on his back and front after a swim in the pool. After a few weeks he would have a very nice tan — not deliberately encouraging the tan, but loved to be in the sun.

A few years ago, upon our return, I noticed that a brown spot on his back had grown and turned somewhat crusty (no larger than a fingernail). I encouraged him to see the doctor immediately, which we were able to do. The doctor immediately called the dermatologist in his clinic and made an emergency appointment. A few days later, she surgically removed the growth.

The results came back positive for skin cancer — melanoma. A further, more extensive surgery was required to make certain all the cancer had been removed, and fortunately it had. We were then invited to attend a lecture with melanoma patients.

What we learned is what a horrifying and debilitating cancer this is. There are only cancer treatments and surgeries if not detected early, and it spreads very quickly. The dermatologist told my husband he was a very lucky man and that he should treat me very well, as I had literally saved his life.

— His Relieved Wife, Manitoba

Dear Relieved: My red-haired brother John Scurfield died of melanoma is his 50s, though not from purposely burning or tanning. We all burned as kids, teenagers and world travellers, and thought little of it.

Melanoma’s a terrible disease, and it was a tragedy for our large family and friends who loved him.

But now, people know better as skin cancer research has been well-publicized for many years. Melanoma-deniers are risking their lives, even now when there are spray-on or rub-on-tan options to get that same suntanned look, if that’s what they want.

It’s a deadly vanity to deny the truth about melanoma and keep on roasting one’s precious body in the sun.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was in the same situation as the overweight husband who wrote you that he and his wife were fighting over his weight. When I was in his shoes, I was 60 pounds overweight and you could hear me snore three walls over!

It came to the point where my breathing stopped during the night. I suffered from lack of sleep and I was gasping for air, but not knowing why. One morning my wife woke up early, though she’s a heavy sleeper. She watched me as I stopped breathing for over 10 seconds, and told me.

The fear that some day I might not wake up caused me to make an appointment with a doctor. I underwent tests and now use a sleep apnea machine. Also, I lost over 60 pounds, and I keep on working out to stay fit. I lift weights, cycle, walk every day and have a Fitbit to keep track of steps. Now I eat healthier foods, and sleep better and more quietly.

— Lucky My Wife Noticed! Winnipeg

Dear Lucky: It’s good she woke early that morning and caught you not breathing, but she shouldn’t have waited the 10 whole seconds before waking you up to breathe again!

Congratulations on your big weight loss and serious fitness efforts. You are saving your own life, and saving your wife and family from major heartbreak.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.