More than one way to realize equine dream

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This article was published 26/06/2021 (1925 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m responding to “Two Big Liars” — the parents who promised their daughter a horse and hoped she’d just forget it because they couldn’t afford it. What part of “I can’t afford it” don’t you get? Dad can’t buy one, and can’t afford to lease one. Even if he does lease one, how long before his daughter starts asking for her own? This charade must stop! Finally, the dad has a chance to be honest and end this lie.

Instead, they should be truthful, letting their daughter know that at one point in time they really thought they would be able to afford one. How about encouraging this young girl to start taking odd jobs to help pay for a leased horse or her own? At some point, after being told the truth, the daughter will move on (to not want one) or perhaps make it her own mission to find a way to become more involved with horses.

— L.R., Manitoba

Dear L.R.: These two parents never intended to buy their young daughter a horse when she was old enough. Mom told the initial lie and kept it up for years with dad’s knowledge, hoping the horse-crazy daughter would just forget about it. Well, the daughter’s dream kept on growing, and now she’s big enough for one she has a name for her promised horse and talks of nothing else. “We lied, so you’ll have to forget about it,” would be an unnecessarily harsh way to deal with this. The daughter would feel a deep hurt and a loss of trust.

By the way, you assume the dad can’t afford horse leasing where you pay a monthly fee for sharing a certain horse to care for and ride. But he just learned about leasing from my column. Finding a way his daughter can help pay for leasing — with a part-time job or even working at a horse barn — makes good sense and could solve the problem.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was a single parent whose daughter was crazy about horses. We started out with riding lessons (there’s a lot more to learn than just hopping up and riding). She loved it and was frustrated with the slow pace, but stuck with it.

We borrowed/leased a pony for learning to show and joined the local 4-H riding club. This was a great way to do it without having to buy and board a horse. I didn’t have much money, but we made it work.

My daughter loved horses from the age of two and spent all her time at the fair in the horse barns. She started riding around the age of eight, and stuck with it until she left for university. Yes, it was expensive, but the experience was great for her. She learned a great deal of responsibility and that there was a lot of dirty, hard work to having an animal to care for. I believe it taught her some important life lessons.

“Two Big Liars” could see if any local barns are looking for help mucking stalls and feeding, and their daughter could start out there. She should join a local 4-H riding club, if possible. Riding clothes, boots and other necessities are available second-hand in many locations.

There’s just something about a girl and her horses. The parents should make it work somehow.

— Been There, Done That, No Regrets, Manitoba

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There are horse people, and there are people who may just enjoy the fantasy of having a horse. A horse is a big responsibility and expense. Why not allow the daughter to start off volunteering at a stable, caring for and grooming horses? By taking care of the animal, she can see how much work is involved. If she’s serious about owning a horse, she can start saving money (allowance, extra chores, part-time jobs) to buy, board and cover all the other expenses that come along with ownership.

It’s an awesome opportunity for a great life lesson in many fields. She can also feel the pride of her own accomplishments.

— Good in Many Ways, Winnipeg Beach

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for “Two Big Liars” — lessons are definitely the way to go. My daughter took them for almost 10 years and never asked for her own horse after the first few months. I asked her several years later if she was sorry we never bought her own and she said no! If we had, she wouldn’t have learned from each of the many great equines she had the privilege to ride and still considers her friends.

After the daughter’s old enough to help pay for it, and has a few years under her belt to know what discipline and temperament she really likes, maybe then it will be time to talk about owning a horse. I hope this helps!

— Horse-Loving Daughter’s Parent, Manitoba

Dear Parent: Choosing her own horse from a background of experience with different types and temperaments seems like a wise way to go — and what fun getting to know all the different horses and their personalities.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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