Relax, ask questions, help out to be good uncle

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This article was published 13/08/2021 (1827 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother and sister-in-law just had a baby, and now I’m an uncle. I’ve never really spent time with kids as an adult, and I don’t know what to do. As a single man there’s almost an unspoken rule these days — you just don’t interact with other peoples’ kids beyond saying hello, because society thinks anything else might be “weird.”

I’m excited, but at the same time I have no idea where to start. I don’t know if this is a question for you, but what are some tips for an unsure uncle to a baby?

— New Uncle, Westwood

Dear New Uncle: The best thing you can do around babies is relax and take your cues from the parents. Give them a nice card and a small stuffed toy — not that the baby will play with it right away. It’s just to honour the littlest addition to the family and the parents.

If they lovingly place the baby in your arms for a photo, don’t grimace. Smile proudly, because you have to know they are beyond tickled with this little person! If you feel awkward, just say, “Please show me how to hold the baby the right way,” and let the mom or dad show you how. They’re aware you don’t have any experience — they don’t have much themselves yet — but they’ll be happy you didn’t push the baby away.

Ask questions about new babies and this one in particular, and be positive, kind and show you’re willing to be a participating relative. Helping out might involve doing some errands for the new couple because you better believe they are dead tired.

As for what you think society might think about hanging out with your nephew, forget it. You know you’re a good person and so does your family. That’s all there is to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dear old mother is a chatterbox, and her memory is going. She calls me by my sister’s name half the time, which feels very weird, or just “daughter“ when she can’t think of either name. My sister told me to stop correcting her name confusions and said yesterday, “Just be glad she even knows you’re her daughter!” My sister is a nurse, and thinks she knows everything about old people.

My question is how to deal with the feeling I have when I leave Mom to go home. I never know if, at her advanced age in her 90s, she will be alive much longer and if I will ever see her again. I tried to talk to my sister about it and her eyes teared up as she said, “Don’t say anything if you can’t be positive!” Who should I talk to then?

— Fearing the End, St. Boniface

Dear Fearing: Your friends would be better listeners. Ask them about their older family members and how they deal with the uncertainty of their life expectancy. If you have religious beliefs, you might take some comfort in talking to someone who shares them. Also, book stores and libraries have sections on old age and dying. It may seem like a strange thing to study up on, but most of us spend so much time just hoping our loved ones will be alive that their dying comes as a shock.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Now everybody’s coming out of their homes again, I’ve run into people in clothes that look old and too casual. One formerly sharp-looking neighbour confessed she hadn’t been out to buy any new clothes in almost two years.

I want to look good again, but don’t want to go shopping and touch a bunch of clothes other people have been handling and breathing on. Any suggestions?

— Desperately Needing Clothes, St. Norbert

Dear Needing Clothes: It’s uplifting to have new things to wear, especially for people who have spent a year and a half at home in sweat pants!

Some people are wearing disposable rubber gloves when they go shopping. There’s also a trend toward patronizing smaller shops to build a new wardrobe — thereby avoiding crowds and long lineups. Things will slowly come back to normal if COVID case numbers stay low, but for now, wearing a mask is still the best thing you can do for everybody concerned, and it certainly reduces stress.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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