Plea of poverty turned off romantic grifter

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This article was published 12/08/2021 (1876 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Three months ago I met a man online from another country and we had a warm, loving romance, writing back and forth. Then he just disappeared. Not another word!

I looked over our previous email for a clue, and in this last letter, he hinted strongly he needed money. I’d written back, thinking he was joking, and laughingly told him I was just as poor, and needed money from him, too!

I never thought anybody would get to know me — and tell me all about his life and feelings — just to get money from me. He had been so romantic — he even wrote me a little poem. I was beginning to care a lot.

So, was I a victim of a romance scam? Why would he spend so much time and emotion on me and then totally disappear and ghost me?

— Feeling Hurt and Foolish, southern Manitoba

Dear Hurt: This is a typical crash ending in a romance scam. When he thought he had you by the heart strings, he made his first “ask” for money. And you laughed in his face! It was clear to him you weren’t going to pan out money-wise, so he deleted you.

There are many different sorts of romance swindles. Most scam operations are highly organized, set up like mini call centres where there’s a boss or overseer. The working “writers” start the money scam with a sweet romance, followed by a sad sob story and a request for money, for some desperate reason. They usually say they’ll pay it back immediately.

Those corresponding don’t get the money, personally. They work for the bosses for a small daily wage. Usually, they’re sending out pre-written scripts to people looking for love on online dating sites.

If you wish to investigate scamming further, here’s a helpful website to start with: fintrac-canafe.gc.ca/intel/operation/rf-eng.

Become a little wiser, but don’t be angry at yourself! The people working these scams aren’t doing it because it’s a giggle for them. They desperately need the job, and you’re the fish. In this case, you got away. Thankfully, you didn’t send any money, and you didn’t totally lose your heart.

Put this romance scam down as a life experience. One day, when you’ve regained your equilibrium, it may be a cautionary tale you’ll want to tell a few single friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent a horrible week at the lake with my new boyfriend. We fought a lot. He’s a lazy jerk, full of himself and a bore. While we were there, I caught him making phone calls from the outhouse to his recent ex-girlfriend. I listened in and heard him telling her how sick of me he was — and he was begging her to take him back.

I ran and packed my suitcase, threw his bag at the outhouse door and headed for the car. I started backing out and he came running towards me. I yelled out the window: “I’m going home. Phone her back and get her to pick you up!”

He’s been telling everyone back in Winnipeg what a nasty person I am, leaving him stranded up at the lake! I heard she wouldn’t come and get him, so he had to hitchhike. What should I say when people want to hear my version? And it seems they do.

— My Stinkin’ Business, Winnipeg

Dear Stinkin’: Tell them the bare-bones version: “He was a jerk to me at my cabin, so I left him there. That’s it. That’s all, folks!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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