Bravo for calling out cowardly cat-caller

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This article was published 11/08/2021 (1877 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve read about cat-callers in your column, and want you to know I nailed one the other day. I was getting a ride with my dad, and this idiot friend of his was in the car. It was obvious he’d had a few beers. We hit a crossing and this guy cat-called a young woman (maybe 17 or 18) who was crossing the street. He used a sexual “compliment” starting with the word “nice” and ending with a body part.

I told him off, and got out of the car. My dad looked mortified as I slammed the door, but didn’t try to stop me. I said, “I’ll get Mom to pick me up.” Why are some older men still like this?

— Not Allowing It! St. James

Dear Not Allowing It: If a man is cat-calling from a vehicle to a woman on foot, she’s the victim, and he can flee quickly. Cat-callers continue because they’ve never been caught and humiliated. This one got an earful from you in front of your dad. There’s a chance it might make him stop. Good on you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother is a selfish jerk. He’s a narcissist, and likely won’t ever be a normal person with some empathy. He uses people, and is constantly coming up with new sob stories to siphon money off our family members.

He’s the kind of guy who can’t work more than two weeks at a job without finding some reason to quit — never his fault. I want to cut him off completely, but he’s good to my kids and they love him, and my wife thinks I’m not being fair to the children.

Recently, he asked me for $4,000 to start a business that will never happen. I told him to get lost — he owes me $7,500 already. In true narcissistic form, he got mad at me for being so stupid, saying I was too dumb to recognize a future windfall like he could.

I demanded the money he already owed me. He laughed in my face! Now I’m ready to totally cut him right out of the family, and declare I have no brother — but my wife and kids are going to be upset. How can I get through to them?

— End of the Line, St. Vital

Dear End: You fought with him — fine. You told him there’s no more money coming — great! But declaring you have no brother to your wife, and barring Uncle from ever seeing her and the children is an action that could harm the family’s perception of you. Instead, you should explain to the kids their uncle has never kept his promise to pay back your money — and it’s a lot, like enough to take the whole family on holiday to Disneyland!

It’s likely Uncle will stay away now, but he may come back in a while, ostensibly to see the children. Be civil, and offer coffee and a little visit with the kids, but don’t let it go any further. After an hour, excuse yourself because you have “a prior work obligation” and walk him out to his car to make sure he leaves. In other words, be civil and nothing more. Civility is good in families.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister is married to someone who’s negative and awful. I’ve seen the change in her over the four years, and lately it seems like she’s just given up. He tells her what to do and what to think 24-7, and she just bumbles along not asking any questions — just stuffing herself with food.

She used to be a really attractive, outgoing, fun woman, and a great artist! But now, she’s less healthy, quieter and unhappy. I want to say something, but I’m worried it’s none of my business. What should I do?

— Sister on the Sidelines, Riverview

Dear Sister: Go at her sideways. Tell her casually you notice she seems to be getting a little depressed “after the COVID thing.” Try to get her to talk about what’s “disappointing” her in her recent life and at the same time, share things that are a little disappointing in your life. Then pick one activity you two could do together — like picking her up to go park-walking twice a week, or getting her to teach you how to paint — at your house. The idea is to pry her loose from her life of servitude with this man, a little at a time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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