Time for son to hear mom’s side of story

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/12/2021 (1743 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-husband fell in love with the whiskey bottle and ended up leaving me for a female friend (also a drunk). Now he’s sober, and wants to pry his way back into the family. He seems to think the slate is wiped clean since he repented his sins. Ha!

I told him he’d done so much dirty stuff he’ll never be “clean and sober“ in my eyes, and to get lost for good! True to form, he went underground. He enlisted our teenage boy for help. Now my son has been working on me to “break down my wall.” That’s his dad’s language, you can bet.

My boy doesn’t know what all his dad did, because I wanted to protect him. I paid his father’s gambling debts and he paid me back by sneaking around with a woman who didn’t know what an unrepentant sponge he is. He lied a lot, did drugs, played around with other women and almost drove me out of my mind during that marriage!

I hid it all, as much as was possible. How can I tell my boy the man who sired him is a total loser and that some deeds are too horrible to be forgiven?

— Disgusted Ex-Wife, Windsor Park

Dear Disgusted: You must teach your son there are limits to what anyone should take in a relationship, and people should know when they’ve been breached. Don’t go into grisly detail, just let your son know you will never be going back to his father because of his gambling, infidelity and substance abuse. Particularly warn him to watch out for Dad turning to him when he’s in a financial jam, and to tell you immediately.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was home at my apartment writing a few Christmas cards and sorting through old papers from eight or nine years ago, looking for addresses. I came across a list of old friends and girlfriends from college, and some phone numbers. I got really brave, and called the number of one old heartache — a girl who disappeared from my life suddenly, years ago.

She lived across the city from me when we were 18 and 19. We were so hot for each other — two firecrackers. I thought I was in love! Then she abruptly broke up with me for some unknown reason, and would not even take my calls.

I decided to try her old number anyway. I don’t think I really expected it to still work, but it was still hers! We both laughed about that, and then had a casual, but awkward, chat. Then she mentioned her kids sounded like they were fighting outside. She put down the phone, and I heard her call to them. One of her sons had my name — a very unusual name, made up by my parents.

When she got back to the phone I said, “I heard you call a boy with my name” — and she went completely silent. I asked, “Is there something you should be telling me?” There was another long silence. She said a quick goodbye and was gone. I thought about it for a long time, and then it clicked. Then I quickly made a phone call to my old buddy from that college crowd. He said, “Oh… well, I thought you knew!”

Apparently, she had a baby about six months after we broke up. I’ve been thinking long and hard. Could she have had my child? Not impossible. If so, what should I do?

— Could be a Dad? West End

Dear Could Be: First, call back your college buddy and quiz him further. Tell him you have sussed out the probable situation, and ask him what he knows about it. Given the baby got your unique name, one suspects a desire for some kind of connection with you — and perhaps a desire for the child to meet his bio-father one day.

Perhaps that day has come. But maybe this old girlfriend just loved your name, became pregnant by another fellow and wanted to call the baby that name anyway (however doubtful that may be). You need to find out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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